


The Land of the Fallen

by BlueDaisy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Angst, Depictions of depression, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Identity Issues, Manipulation, Past Child Abuse, Past Medical Abuse, Past Medical Experimentation, Past Medical Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 17:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19277779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDaisy/pseuds/BlueDaisy
Summary: A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion argues that if it did so, both would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog then agrees, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion answers; "𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑 𝒊𝒕. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆."





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! = This story contains many upsetting and heavy themes.

* * *

 

In the dark alleys of New Home, dust scattered like always.

The cause of this dispute moved like a shadow and left a trail of dust from the monsters that tried to stop _it_.

And the fight- ( _no_ , this wasn’t a fight... this was a one way slaughter by _It._ ) was over and the leader was left alone with his comrades dust floating around while he looked at _it_.

He thought he was a good fighter, (him staying alive for this long was the proof of that in this wretched underground.) he had fairly enough control over his magic and he knew how to balance using red magic without burning himself out in seconds like other monsters.

But this _demon_ in front of him... was a tool for fighting.

 _So the rumors were true,_ he thought as he **_checked_** _it_. This things stats were the highest he has ever seen, and the highest stats belonged to _hunters_ who were love-drunk beasts and of course to that tyrant.

... Perfect tool for slaughtering humans, he thought bitterly. How many monsters did this thing that scientist called _monster_ has killed from their kind? Would killing humans remove his sins? Then it occurred to him that demons don’t feel their sins... do they?

No matter how many times people called this demon monster, it was simply not true... It’s eyes showed that it was devoid of feeling, pain, _empathy..._ he almost felt for _it_ like how he felt when he saw monsters that maxed out their love, but they weren’t even would be aware what was going from their drunkenness of love to know what was going on.

This thing however... even though he was sure it had maxed love, it was still standing there with intelligence and with strong battle tactics that killed _five_ monster who were skilled in combat just like himself in mere minute’s right before his eyes.

Its next target was, of course him.

He sighed as he realized the thing had summoned its swords. How curious... the two swords each seemed to be chained to its arms... no... When he looked carefully he realized the swords chains were _drilled_ in its arms which was bones.

He would’ve felt bad for it but… he knew _it_ couldn’t feel pain. He witnessed it firsthand.

He knew who would win this battle… so he didn’t bother when the swords came for his throat, slashing him from his shoulders with specks of dust.

He- his head? Fell to the ground, he heard his body dust and he gave a silent ‘heh’.

“There you stand covered in dust.” Looks like he got his murderers attention, its sockets were two hollow pits. “Like a spitting image of a demon.”

He knew for a fact the real beast was sitting in his throne in his castle, living with his failures. After failing to protect his family and people, the king had chosen the path of carnage.

The demon right in front of him started to walk away, dust flying around him seemed fitting for it.

“But one day those cursed hands of your will even take the ones you hold dear, and crush them to oblivion.”

He coughed. “That is the price a demon pays.”

And of course he knew the price he would pay for allowing what happened most of his life was his death right now, maybe allowing this to happen was the only justice he served.

The last thing he saw was it-the _skeleton_ turning its head to look at him as their eyes met. The unusual dark pits in its sockets for a skeleton monster lightened for a moment.

The look on its- _his_ eyes made him _choose_ him to be the next. To give another chance for this miserable monster who may have another chance even through a _curse_.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if anyone will get the reference. :)


	2. The Lab Arc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A husk and a child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Fell-verse AU with my own headcanons, Underfell was created by = https://underfell.tumblr.com/

_**~The Lab Arc~** _

* * *

 

When it comes back to the lab, it looks around. There was another _new_ presence nearby, but it doesn’t sense any intent so it decides to leave the presence alone.

“Ah, you came back.” Said Dr. Alphys when she noticed its presence.

 _“Yes, Dr. Alphys.”_ It signed.Dr. Alphys gave him one of those weird looks again. It had seen her give it that look since it was little and it still didn’t understand what it meant.

She cleared her throat. “Dr. Gaster wanted to talk to you, you should check in on him.”

It only nodded before turning around to go to the true lab.

 

* * *

 

True lab was dark and dusty like always as it sensed other monsters writhe in pain as they prayed for death.

“You’re finally back.” Doctor looked annoyed today.

_“Yes, doctor. I have done the task you gave me.”_

Doctor looked surprised, he must’ve forgotten. “Ah, yes. Did you manage to collect all the drugs?”

_“Yes.”_

“Good, leave them here.” He answered shortly.

While it left the failed drugs that killed monsters, it felt the new presence again. Now that the presence was too close, and it could sense the presence's features, the monster was weak… Small… _a child_.

It realized the doctor was starting the experiment the second time, and this time rather than Alphys, it would help the doctor. Maybe this was what the doctor was working on these past months.

“But your task wasn’t the reason I called you here.” He dropped a report onto the desk and indicated it to read the report.

It read the report with speed and finally understood why the doctor was annoyed. The experiment failed, once again.

Unlike the other souls this one managed to grow up with maintenance and they had thought it was successful, but it seems wasn’t enough.

“I am marking this experiment as a failure.” Doctor said slowly. “It was a waste of time and resources. I’ve created souls and injected them determination countless times only for the souls to shatter under too much determination and waste my resources, and when I finally manage to keep one of them alive, it bears the risk to break under too much determination and now I have a useless child at my disposal and one successful subject. I guess you were the only exception.”

It slowly put the report back and the doctor took the report and stamped it with a red mark.

 _“What will you do with the child doctor?”_ Does it have to dust the child?

“You will not dust the child.” Doctor said as he looked at the door.

Out of the corner of its sockets, it saw the child peeking through the door, the child's red eyes met his and the child flinched and ran away with a rattle of bones.

“It would be a waste to dust it after all the resources I wasted on him.” Doctor said coldly. “But I have no use of him.”

_“…?”_

“You can have him.” Doctor said simply.

 _“… What will I do with the child?”_ It didn’t understand the purpose of this.

“Whatever you want.” Doctor said like it was a fool. “You can treat him however you want. You can kill him, experiment on him, or take care of him.” Doctor shrugged. “It’s up to you.”

 _“Understood.”_ It said.

“Good. Now that’s settled, I have to explain to the king our failure.” Doctor sighed. “He will not be happy with this, but stopping this experiment is the best course of action. Not only does the experiment take too much time like years, it takes a lot of resources and a waste of determination we only have little.”

Doctor turned to leave but then stopped right at the doorway. “Did you take care of the guy?” to that it simply nodded. “Good. You’ll do paperwork this week. I need another substance for the drugs to work.” He said before leaving without waiting for its answer.

Doctor’s office looked quite messy, it would normally try to clean the room as it did with all of the other rooms within the true lab, but the doctor didn’t like it touching anything in his office, so it usually left his office alone.

It doesn’t have any task to do except today’s paperwork, which it had finished before its mission. Maybe it could help Dr. Alphys with her-

It stops thinking after hearing distant rattling.

It slowly turns to the door and looks at the child for real this time.

The child looked meek, _weak_ as he looked it in the eyes, his eye lights shrunk in fear and the child slowly backed away to run if it moved even an inch.

It had never seen any children other than the child in front of him. Children were rare in the underground as no parent wasn’t qualified to take care of one in a world where it was kill or be killed.

The child had a weird aura around him. It wasn’t dangerous, it wasn’t hollowness and it wasn’t definitely anger. The child radiated an untainted pureness around him like no death, no starvation, no dread was ever present in the world he lived in even though the child looked it in the eyes with fear and for some reason looking at this child made its soul _clench_.

But their first impressions were cut short as Dr. Alphys came behind the child and startled him.

Alphys looked at the child with surprise. “I thought the doctor was going to ask you to dust him.”

 _“He said the child is in my care for now.”_ It signed slowly.

“Ah, I see…” It watched her lips curve upward into a rare smile as she looked at the frightened child. “Good.”

The way Dr. Alphys looked at the child was similar to how she looked at _it_ through the years it was growing up.

It was reminded that she would often defy the doctor's wishes and sneak food into its cell and gave it blanket and a pillow so it wasn’t cold through the night as it lay down on the floor in the cell, even though it being cold was impossible. These scenes were one of those rare moments it would remember about its childhood because normally it remembered nothing but short glimpses.

But there was one thing it wasn’t certain about. _“I do not know how to take care of a child.”_ It simply said.

Dr. Alphys looked at it for a moment before her eyes glinted with that same look it couldn’t quite figure out. “Don’t worry about that, we’ll manage.” She turned to the child and crouched down. “Hey there little guy…”

Alphys’s gesture of crouching down and putting gentleness in her usually sharp tone should’ve left a soothing effect on the child, but the child backed away to a bookshelf as he started to rattle.

“Hey now… don’t be scared. We won’t hurt you.” When the child heard Alphys’s words his eye lights turned to _it_ for a moment before flickering back to Alphys. “What’s your name? Do you know your name?”

The child stayed silent but he had stopped rattling.

The longer the silence stretched, it thought about offering to look for the child’s documents as they should be at the doctor's office somewhere.

But instead, the child took deep breaths and took a step forward and met Alphys’s eyes.

“My name is…” The child’s red eye lights flickered to _its_ unusual black sockets. “Papyrus.”

 

* * *

 

It opened the white lights in the lab, revealing a desk filled with files and papers that would make it question if they were necessary or not, and empty noodle cups were scattered around. The partial blame for this was on Dr. Alphys as she kept stocking the fridge with instant noodles and all the junk food the doctor didn’t bother to decline or complain about.

It normally would clean this mess like it did in the true lab as the doctor was clumsy with his cleaning and sterilizing the environment for important experiments but the first time it had tried to clean the lab Alphys had shrieked about him ruining her ‘order’. It didn’t understand what she meant as nothing was in order.

Alphys placed the instant noodles on the table as they sat down. It started to eat with mechanical movements as Alphys quickly consumed the food like her life depended on it.

When she was finished she looked at the child who was still standing in front of the elevator leading to the true lab.

“Aren’t you hungry? Don’t be scared, come here!” She encouraged him with a soft tone.

The child slowly but reluctantly came close and sat beside it and started eating with such speed that the food vanished in a minute.

“Ah! Don’t eat too fast, you’ll choke!” Alphys said in panic even though the child was perfectly fine.

The child looked at her with fear for a moment. “I’m… sorry.” He said with a quiet, scratchy tone. The child’s voice didn’t sound like he used it too much, nor did the child look like he expected to be listened to.

“Ah, don’t worry, I was just worried.” She softened her voice again.

Dr. Alphys always had that gentleness to people like it, it realized. Normally, Alphys would never be this soft towards other monsters, even her interactions with the doctors included an irritated tone and an angry scowl, but now sitting in this mess of a lab, Alphys had a bright look in her eyes similar to the times she watched those animes she claimed she didn’t like at all and only watched for research purposes.

It looked at the child for real this time.

The fear in child’s sockets seems to have disappeared now that they reassured that they weren’t going to hurt the child.

The child was looking at it with curiosity since it was the only skeleton he saw besides the doctor. When it looked back at the child, it wondered how it was going to take care of the child because it had no idea how to take care of one, maybe there was a manual for child-care?

 

* * *

 

“Hmm… you haven’t killed him.” the doctor said with a thoughtful look after two days since they’ve been looking after the child… or more like Alphys taking care of the child and it watching her and taking notes to use as reference. But the child never came close to it and just eyed it from a distance with a curious and a scared look.

It looked at the doctor with a question. _“Would you like me to?”_ The child in question was curled up in one of the couches on the lab, even though the child _looked_ asleep, it knew he wasn’t sleeping.

“Ah… No.” Doctor said after a long silence eyeing it. “I just thought it was weird… But I guess he could be useful if he was raised by _you_.” Doctor’s tone had a hint of venom when he talked to other monsters who weren't the king or the royal guard.

It did not understand the implication doctor meant by this sentence or his tone, but it saw the dark look Dr. Alphys was giving to the doctor.

“Well, the king has called for me. You finish the paperwork by tomorrow with _it_ , Dr. Alphys.” Dr. Gaster said without waiting for her answer and left the lab.

“Asshole.” Dr. Alphys said with a look of grudge after him before returning to her work.

“Why are you so angry at him?” Papyrus asked. He was more comfortable when he was with Alphys.

“Well, I hate him because he’s mocking something he _caused_.” She said with venom. “And then act like it was all _his_ fault.”

“Then why aren’t you telling him?”

She sighed. “Because I can’t judge someone when I’m doing the same thing. I just… hate him because he’s doing it without feeling remorse, I guess.” The look she gave the child was similar to the looks it saw before people died after they confessed their ‘mistakes’.

After that the child sat beside them when they were doing paperwork. As hours passed and Alphys kept drinking coffee without stopping before finally giving into sleep. It continued to work with mechanical movements as it was sure the paperwork would be done by morning.

Once the light on the lab seemed to soften it assumed it must be five in the morning when it was doing the last two paperwork.

“Did you even sleep?” It turned around to look at the child.

It was sure the child wanted to be away from it after their first meeting and after the child hearing it’s… conversation with the doctor.

 _“No.”_ It said with slow movements.

“Aren’t you sleepy?”

This was weird because doctor nor Alphys had asked about his sleeping patterns. _“I use my magic as energy to stay awake.”_

“I see.” It thinks this wasn’t the question the child wanted to ask.

They were silent as it finally finished the paperwork with ease and cleaned up the table. As it left the paperwork to the doctor’s office, the child was following it.

“Hey…” The child asked with a timid tone. “Are you… going to kill me?”

The question was familiar, it was a question it heard through most of its life… Then why was it so foreign like a math question it couldn’t solve to hear the same words from this child?

After putting the paperwork in the doctor's office, it turned around to face the child. _“I won’t.”_ It said. _“I will take care of you.”_

“Take care… of me?”

_“Yes. I’ll make sure to find a manual for this situation.”_

“A… Manual?” Papyrus asked with a bewildered look.

_“Yes. A manual; a book giving instructions or information about something.”_

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” The child asked with a more comfortable tone.

No… It didn’t know what to do or how to take care of this child.

Alphys had once talked about parents abandoning their children even though they were so rare because of fearing about raising them in a kill or be killed world. Alphys had said parents think children were burdens because they couldn’t defend themselves and were free exp. But these weren’t things it had to worry about, it was capable of protecting and taking care of Papyrus if it had enough knowledge about them. So this situation is under control. It can do this.

 

* * *

 

For the next few days it had to adjust itself to take care of the child by doing some steps. Luckily it had managed to find a book titled “Tips on raising Children”, but it wasn’t sure it was quite accurate. The book said that it should feed the child frequently because young monsters need food to adjust their magic levels as they grow up; but the child only ate his meals and stocked what it gave as a ‘snack’, the book also said to make sure the child is doing activities that distract them and keep them exercised; but the child had no interest in the things it brought as toys and was only interested in the books.

The only thing it seemed to be doing right was, it not leaving the child alone and keeping an eye on him because the child was following him like a little duckling wherever it went. It wasn’t sure the thumping in its soul had anything to do with it seeing the child following it like he trusted it the most.

Even though the child was cautious of it and Dr. Alphys at first, after getting used to their presence the child had no problem coming up to them with a smile and starting to talk about something he read on one of the books he’s reading. And asking them a lot of questions… the child seemed to ask about anything he saw.

Look, the child is coming to it with that look of wonder in his eyes indicating that he was about to blow up with questions. It continued its paperwork as the child came beside him and pulled the fabric of its lab coat.

“How do you use magic? Why can’t I use it?” It continued to do paperwork as it thought about the question. The child was too young to use magic. But it was using magic when it was younger than the child in front of him. But then again its growth was… unnatural.

 _“You are too young to use it.”_ It answered in the end.

The child didn’t seem to mind the lack of answer, and like it expected continued to ask an unrelated question. “Where do your swords come from?”

It felt the presence of the chains that were bound to its arms. _“They are made by a blacksmith, using materials such as metal and given shape.”_

It felt Dr. Alphys coming to the room with a coffee mug. “Where do babies come from? Am I the only child this place has?” It hears Dr. Alphys putting the mug on a table.

 _“You are the only child in this lab… and how babies are made is when two monsters decide to soul-“_ It was cut off when Dr. Alphys literally shrieked and ran up to cover the child’s ears, which was unnecessary because skeletons don’t have ears.

“What are you doing?! He’s too young!” Dr. Alphys said as she released the child.

Before it could answer, the child spoke up. “I was just asking about how I was born… don’t get mad at him.” oh… It was going to tell the child the wrong answer if Alphys hadn’t cut it off.

“Oh my sweet summer child… I’m pretty sure he was planning on explaining something else.” Alphys sighed.

It didn’t understand why Alphys didn’t want it to not tell the child about how monsters are normally born, but it ignores this and answers the question. _“Dr. Gaster used his own magic to create a soul using some…”_ it wasn’t supposed to talk about the substances they got from the human souls given to them by the king _. “… Substance and when used…”_ Determination when the soul was about the shatter. _“Another substance, a skeleton child was made.”_ An artificial soul which is supposed to have determination… which should make them stronger in theory. It didn’t know much about this experiment as the doctor because it… forgot.

“Hmm…” The child looked thoughtful. It spouses the child was done with his questions and turned back to the papers. “I want to ask one last thing.” It turned back to the child and wondered why he looked a bit nervous. “Why can’t you… talk?”

Silence.

“Ah! That’s...” Dr. Alphys started to speak nervously. “I mean,” She sighed and calmed herself down. “He lost his voice, Papyrus.”

Since Dr. Alphys was answering the question it turned back to the papers and started filling them with speed.

“Lost his voice?” Papyrus tilted his head to the side. “I don’t… understand.”

“Monsters who maxed out their LOVE have shown to have… side effects. Such as, loss of feeling pain, loss of identity, memories, _emotions_ … and voice. They become love-drunk _hunters_ whose only purpose is to kill.”

Papyrus looked at her with shock. “But… He doesn’t look like-“

“I know.” Alphys said. “He’s an exception. He was a test subject to a secret experiment. ‘He’s sole purpose was being a soldier and following orders’ as the doctor keeps saying.” An angry look passed before Alphys’s expression before turning into a gentle smile. “Let’s talk about something else… Do you want to know anything else about him?”

The child was quiet for a moment. “… What’s his name?”

“…” Weird… Dr. Alphys knew its name but decided to say something else. “I think… it would be best if you ask _him_ someday.”

…

The child didn’t ask it anything about skeletons since then.

 

* * *

 

It doesn’t understand what the books mean when it says it should take the child out for walks because he needs _fresh_ air. It would normally say that this is not true because Hotland’s air was thick and hard to breathe for normal monsters who lived in areas such as Snowdin and Waterfall, so for _fresh_ air the lab was the natural choice for any monster. But since the book suggests that the child should go outside, it decided to give it a try.

And this is why it wasn’t leaving the child alone as he explored through Hotland with curiosity and cautious steps. The child seemed ignorant to the gazes other monsters gave him and kept walking, oblivious to the danger around him.

But it wasn’t a problem since whenever monsters saw it they just walked away with a sigh, annoyed at losing the chance to earn free exp.

“Hey…” The child looked at it with an uncertain expression. “What’s your name?” It silently looked at the child. It did not have an answer for that. “I mean Alphys said… I should ask you.”

It slowly raised its hands to answer. _“I… Don’t have a name.”_

Child tilted his head to the side with a confused look. “How? Everyone has a name.”

 _“I lost it.”_ This summarizes it well for the child.

“Is that about you… having maxed love?”

It slowly nodded as the child walked ahead and sat down on a bench. It sat down beside the child with slow movements, making sure there was a fair distance between them so the child wasn’t scared.

The child turned to it and looked at it in the eyes without getting scared or averting his eye lights. “Why are we outside?”

 _“Because it’s supposed to be healthy for you.”_ It was starting to think that maybe the manual was talking about other types of monsters for that.

“Would you go out like this often when you were a kid?”

 _“When I was your age, I…”_ It doesn’t remember anything particular about that… maybe it was being trained by the doctor. _“I’ve never gone out. I was always inside.”_ At least this is what it thinks considering what Alphys says about it.

“But wasn’t that boring?”

It simply shrugged while looking around. _“I was training or studying…? Something like that. I don’t really remember.”_

“Hmm…” The child starts to swing his legs. Was he getting restless? Was it bothering the child? “So you didn’t do anything besides working?”

It tilted its head to the side. _“No?”_

The child turned to it with a smile. “Then you can do something else besides work with me!”

 _“… Okay?”_ Taking care of the child… Wasn’t actually working it realized distantly.

They stayed silent like that for a moment before Papyrus started talking again. “Hey… Why are these streets so… empty?”

 _“Because it’s dangerous.”_ It decides to not tell the child about the monsters that were creeping behind the back streets.

“If it’s dangerous why did you bring me here?”

 _“If something were to happen, I would protect you.”_ It simply replied. _“So you don’t have to be scared.”_

Papyrus looked at it with bright eyes for a moment before suddenly scooting closer to it and wrapping his arms around it. It stiffened. The only time it was touched was when it was getting attacked or when the doctor-

…

“I was scared of you first.” Papyrus quietly said. “Because the doctor kept saying things about you killing me… but then you said you would take care of me and you did.” It slowly looked down to the child who was _hugging_ it. “I just want to say that… thank you for deciding to take care of me.”

They stayed like that for a moment. It didn’t hug him back and stayed stiffly until it was over.

 _“Let’s get back…”_ It said while standing up.

Papyrus looked at it with a weird look.

_“What is it?”_

Papyrus blinked. “Oh nothing… I thought I saw something in your eye sockets for a moment.” Hmm… Maybe the heat of the Hotland wasn't good for the child after all.

Then he also stood up and they went back to the lab in silence.

 

* * *

 

“Can you read me this book?” Papyrus asked cheerfully, it realized the book in Papyrus was holding was named _‘The Little Prince’_.

 _“You… don’t know how to read?”_ It asked as it tilted its head to the side, ıt thinks the doctor taught him how to read or do math when it was young as this child.

Papyrus blushed and looked down. “I do! But it’s a bit… difficult to read.”

It understood that a child who was growing up surely would have problems about reading or have problems comprehending some things. What it didn’t understand was that the child being embarrassed or ashamed about it.

 _“Okay…”_ It… didn’t know how it was going to read but agreed anyway.

They went to the true lab in silence and walked through the dark corridors. It thinks they should’ve changed the lamps but the doctor had insisted that they stayed like this.

When they walked past a mirror it came face to face with itself, two hollow dark sockets looked back at it.

**_~~“Murderer husk.”~~ _ **

It stopped dead in its tracks and looked around frantically. What was that? It was sure there was no presence in the lab other than the other monsters who it was sure were no longer able to get up.

“What is it?” The child looked at it curiously. It thinks the child would hear the noise… but he didn’t.

After looking around a bit more it turned to the child and said, _“It’s nothing. Let’s go.”_

The child climbed on one of the beds in one of the areas in the true lab they used for _patients_ who had very bad illnesses. It didn’t know the purpose of this room because no one who came in the true lab never left again… maybe this room had another purpose but was no longer used or needed.

It sat on the edge of the bed and turned to the child.

 _“Are you sure?”_ It asked. _“I don’t think it’s efficient to ask me to read to you, you should’ve asked Dr. Alphys.”_

Papyrus shook his head. “I want _you_ to read to me.” And he averted his eyes in embarrassment once again.

It doesn’t know why there was a _clenching_ in its soul, but it ignores that and starts _reading_ to the child who looked at him expectantly. It was uncomfortable at first, but then it got used to reading.

_“… For me you’re only a little boy just like a hundred thousand little boys and I have no need for you, and you have no need for me either. For you I’m only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes… but if you tame me. We’ll need each other, you’ll be the only little boy in the world for me and I’ll be the only fox in the world for you.”_

It looked at the child to realize that the child was already asleep. It slowly closed the book and placed it on one of the bedside tables and tuck the child under the cover.

When it felt the clench in its soul again, it just looked at the child for a moment.

It didn’t even notice Dr. Alphys coming in until she stood beside him and looked at the child with a smile and then she looked at him probably to ask something but she stopped and her mouth fell open in shock.

It looked around again but couldn’t find anything that would shock Dr. Alphys. _“What’s wrong?”_

Dr. Alphys blinked a few times. “Your eye lights… lightened for a moment.” It raised its hand and touched one of its eye sockets for a moment. “They’re gone now…”

That was impossible. Because skeletons only have eye lights to express their emotions. The chains on its arms that were bound to it with a curse was the proof of that.

 

* * *

 

Being called to the doctor's office wasn’t unusual for it since it meant it was going to be given a task outside or more paperwork. But today being called to the doctor's office left it wondering why it was taking too long to arrive without any reason.

“Took you long enough.” Doctor said with an annoyed tone when it finally came in. “Well, it doesn't matter. Do you remember the drugs you got back a week earlier?” It nodded. “Looks like our documents too were stolen by some _thugs_ who thought they could get away with stealing secret documents.” Doctor handed it what seemed like a threat letter. “I want you to take care of them. Their location is on the letter. I don’t care what happens to the thugs as long as I get the documents back.”

It didn’t know why something uncomfortable was going through its bones at the mention of going outside the lab. But all it did was nod and leave the doctor’s office to head out.

“Where are you going?” The child asked with a worried look.

It’s been two weeks since it was taking care of the child. It wasn’t sure if it was doing a good job, but Dr. Alphys had insisted that it was doing fine. It sounds like the child talking it to no end and wanting to be beside it all the time was normal but… the child caused its soul to do weird things… its soul would start to _tighten_. At first it thought its soul was cracking but this tightening wasn’t painful.

But right now with the idea of leaving this child in the lab where it was somewhere far away…

It knew this was a bad idea… that the child shouldn’t be out where it was dangerous and filled with dread from hopelessness. But for some reason it raised its hands to say, _“Would you like to come with me?”_

“Okay!” The child answered with enthusiasm.

The child’s enthusiasm didn’t last long when they were outside particularly heading towards one of the shady districts in New Home. The child held his hand with all his strength, as the child too felt the eyes boring their backs. It didn’t understand why the child was scared, because nobody would dare to attack it after they saw and heard what happened through the years.

For some reason the child clinging to it made it want to take the child into its arms and carry him the whole way. In the end the child kept clinging to it and it didn’t say anything about it.

Doctor had said it didn’t need to dust anybody. Today’s task was just about getting back the stolen documents, but it should be careful. The people may do something idiotic rather than yielding.

They went into a ragged building like all the others in the alleys of New Home. There were twelve monsters inside; too much for a peaceful compromise.

Before going into the room the other monster was waiting for it, it made sure to check if there were any traps or a substance that may harm the child. Drugs didn’t work on it, the doctor made sure of it.

Other monsters looked at the child with surprise before giving each other unsure looks.

 _“Have you brought the documents?”_ Its question was directed at the lion monster who was standing in front of the group of monsters.

Lion looked around before scoffing at it. “Here I thought the so called ‘red demon’ was coming here and all I got is two brats.” Lion resumed talking nonsense with a mocking tone, but it tuned him out. It knew what was going to happen.

It was common that people mistook it for a child. It was short and _thin_ , it looked weak, fragile… easy to break. But that didn’t stop people from showing mercy. Quite the opposite actually, they all thought it was free LOVE. They didn’t care if the person in front of them were attacking or just begging for their lives. Doctor said it’s kill or be killed, made sure to carve this into its head.

**_~~“True.”~~ _ **

… What?

**_~~“People without mercy don't deserve mercy.”~~ _ **

What was that?

The voice came deep inside of it like thousands of people were talking to it. The only thing that was clear about the chanting’s were the people in front of it were murderers.

Everything was a clear blur. It sees the lion attacking him with others surrounding him as the child screamed. The first thing it does is break the arm lion flung at it, the arm disappeared with dust scattering around. Then it summoned its swords and slashed all the others along with the lion. When it was sure everyone was dust, it checked around to find the documents. It didn’t take long for it to find them under a plank of rotten wood. Suffice to say what these people did was idiotic. It would’ve spared them if they hadn’t attacked it.

With that done it returned to the room to look at the child now curled in on himself in a fetal position.

It reached out for the child, _“Child…-“_ it was cut off when the child scrambled away from him in _fear_.

What? Why? It was sure the child wasn’t scared of it since their first meeting. It didn’t know what to do when the child was curling away from it in fear.

It wished it had taken that book with it…

It thinks about the way Dr. Alphys had crouched down beside the child and softened her voice with slow movements.

It came closer to the child with slow moments and crouched down. _“Child…”_

It waited for the child to calm down and look up at it. Eventually the child did. “Why did they attack you? Why are all these people acting like this?” The child must’ve meant the people they saw outside.

 _“It’s… just the way it is.”_ It slowly answered. It never thought about the situation it was in… it had just adapted, learned to fight like doctor ordered it to, and studied science and medicine just like doctor ordered it to. It had adapted and continued living with orders, just like how the doctor wanted it to.

 The child didn’t look like he was scared anymore. “But why? What… happened?”

It sighed when it felt the clench in its soul once again. _“I do not know why Papyrus… There were a lot of misunderstandings and cruelty throughout the monster kind’s history.”_

It thinks about the king. It never saw the king even though it was the doctor’s secret project for the king. Through the books it studied, it never knew why the king took his anger out of his people or understood. Precisely, if asked, it would say the king was unfit to be a king like a lot of people thought, but it was sure nobody was powerful or moral enough to be a king in this underground.

Papyrus didn’t say anything else but he slowly got up and after looking at it with uncertainty, he hugged it.

…

It slowly raised its arms with chains of the swords clanking… Chains of a curse it forgot a long time ago. It shouldn’t do it… The clench in its soul was enough of a proof that it shouldn’t do what it was about to do.

But… ~~He~~ \- It still hugs the child.

 

* * *

 

“Hey…” Papyrus drew the doctor's attention which makes it look behind from the chair it was sitting on for some reason. “Are me and him the same?” Papyrus asked.

Doctor looked at the child like he was stupid before talking with an uninterested tone. “As you can see you both are skeleton monsters and considering that you both came from the same origins, I can say that you two are… Related.”

“Like… _brothers_?” Papyrus asked with excitement.

“Hmm… I guess that could be possible if _it_ was a failure.” It shuddered at the doctor's voice. It sees Dr. Alphys come into the room with an angry look.

Papyrus tilted his head to the side with confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that _it_ is a successful experiment of mine. I trained it to be perfect. Which means it will not be distracted from something as ridiculous as the subjects you’re concerned with.”

“… What do you mean by trained to be perfect?” Papyrus asked quietly. It expected him to be heartbroken at something else the doctor said in that sentence.

The doctor turned to Papyrus from the chair he was sitting on now, he had a sly grin that made its soul cold. “I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed by now.” It distantly wonders if the doctor intended to tell this to the child from the beginning. “How it is able to _kill_ so easily. Hmm… but they must’ve not told you, did they? Do you know what love is? It is an acronym we use for level of violence, it is to measure someone’s capacity to hurt others, normal monsters who aren’t judges cannot see someone’s lv other than the person itself. And let’s ask your dear _brother_ what his is.” Dr. Gaster turned to him with a cruel smirk and the child was looking at it with eye light that looked like dots now.

It didn’t know why it was hesitating. It didn’t know why its soul were clenching and why it had cold magic leaking out in drops from its skull, it didn’t know why it was… _uncomfortable_ about the look it was going to see in child’s eyes when it told him, or the way the child would call it a _demon_ like all the monsters it met.

But it had to answer, the doctor was starting to frown. _“My love is… maxed.”_

“There. Do you know what that means?” Doctor looked like he was enjoying this.

It thinks about the hatred and anger the child is going to have in his eye lights like all the monsters that looked at it. It… didn’t _want_ this.

_This isn’t fair!_

…

“I know.” Papyrus answered calmly.

Doctor looked surprised. “… What”

“Yes. I also know that he is like this because of you.” Papyrus frowned.

“Do you, now?” Doctor looked away in distaste. “Then you should also know that he cannot feel _love_ or anything towards you.”

“I… Don’t believe you.”

“Huh. I thought you knew. Creatures with maxed love do not feel, want or have empathy towards anything. That’s why it was easy to experiment on it when it had high love.” Papyrus looked at the doctor startled. “…  Honestly, I should’ve raised its love first before experimenting. It wouldn’t scream or thrash when I-“

“Dr. Gaster!” Alphys finally interrupted as she walked up to him in anger. “He’s a child, how could you!”

“Huh… Since when were we ashamed of talking about _our_ experiments?”

Alphys’s face became red with anger and shame. “You _fucking_ -“

“How cruel…” It saw tears streaming down Papyrus’s face. “What has he ever done to you?”

Doctor gave a disdainful look at the child before standing up. “I do not understand why you are so upset at something that doesn’t feel or even remember what happened to it. Well… I shouldn’t judge since you’re a child.” He looked at Alphys who was steaming with anger but was trying to keep quiet. “I’ll be out for a few hours.” And with that the doctor left the lab without even giving a second look to them.

Papyrus looked at it for a moment and it didn’t know what to do or had to do anything because the child ran up to it and hugged it tightly. He was still crying.

“You’re not _it_!” He yelled. “You’re not _something_! I know it!”

 _“Child…”_ It started as its arms automatically hugged the child back.

“You’re not!” The child yelled stubbornly. Seems like he wasn’t going to listen to it.

It sees Dr. Alphys pulling out her glasses and wiping her eyes.

It doesn’t know what to tell them. It was… _it_. It was never a _he_ from the moment it was born or qualified to be one.

Even though the way its soul thumping because the child and Alphys was shedding tears for it told it otherwise.

 

* * *

 

**_~~“Demon.”~~ _ **

The voice wouldn’t go away. It talked to it wherever it went, whenever it looked into the mirror, whenever it dusted a monster. The more the voice was talking to it the more the clench in its soul grew.

 _Why?_ It didn’t know. But this was getting bad if it was going to hear voices every time it looked at a mirror or a monster.

Its thoughts dissolved when Alphys came back to the lab with a plastic bag.

“Hey I brought more ramen.” She said as she started to put the ramens into the fridge.

It simply nodded. The book said it should feed the child with more nutritious food but the underground they live in, doesn’t leave them with much choice so it was just content with being able to have something to feed the child.

The child in question was asleep… He had snuggled up to it with a book an hour ago.

It thought the child would react more badly to the world outside but the child seemed to accept it… Adapt to it. It wasn’t sure what to think about the child’s behavior about this.

“You two seem closer.” Alphys said with a smile. “He is kind of like you, I remember you too would always _stay quiet_.”

 

_(The needles hurt where they had been stuck to his little arms. The pain wouldn’t go away, the doctor wouldn’t stop no matter how many times he begs. He hopes Alphys would come in and inject him with a pain medication to just stop this. His socket still throbbed with pain from the echo of a needle that had been injected there with something that burned his socket._

_“ **Stay quiet.** ” The doctor says with a stern tone and cold eyes as he starts crying from the pain. He needs to stay quiet or the doctor would make it more painful. He tries to stop his rattling and choke back the hiccups as tears rolled down._

_When he focused enough to realize what’s going on, his vision blurred with more tears from fear when he saw the doctor had another needle in his hands and cupped his face again, directing the needle to his left eye socket._

_It-)_

Hurts. The clenching in its soul hurt more than ever. The pain made it try to take a deep breath it didn’t even need and place one of its hands on its chest, it was rattling violently.

Why? Why was this happening? It shouldn’t _feel_ pain. It shouldn’t feel a clench in its soul from a memory it no longer remembered but recalled only now for some reason.

 **_~~“Huh… I didn’t think you would be able to actually feel…~~ _ ** **~~Sans.”~~ **

Its rattling started to get more violent with the voice saying _that_ name. It was weird and unusual for it to start remembering something like this and have this type of reaction. It never remembered anything about its childhood nor had any _reaction_ about that.

“-Hey! Are you okay?” It looked down and met with Papyrus’s eye lights, he was staring up at him with worry. From the corner of its eye, it sees the doctor come in.

And like a spell all of the reaction disappeared, and all of the traces of an emotion left its body from… fear perhaps. _“I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”_

Papyrus closed his eye sockets again after giving it a suspicious look with worry.

The look the doctor gave them left a sudden chill in its bones.

“Dr. Alphys,” He called for her from the fridge she was leaning in. “Come to the true lab with it.” He gave a quick look to it before heading to the elevator.

“Oh great, what does this jackass plotting now?” Alphys asked as she closed the fridge.

It slowly got up without waking the child and put a blanket on him before turning around to look at Dr. Alphys. _“Maybe he’s starting a new experiment.”_

Alphys nervously looked at the child for a moment before walking to the elevator with it tagging along. “Let’s see whose life he’s going to ruin now…” She mumbled.

They walk through the dark corridors of the true lab which smelled like mold and dust. They caught up to the doctor in a room filled with monsters laying on the bed unconscious. Doctor was using these monsters for months for a drug he was working on. It didn’t know the details, but it was sure the doctor was working on this project alone and someone had stolen it so it had to kill the guy who stole the drugs and get the documents back.

The doctor looked at the monsters who were now lying unconscious on the first four beds.

“First of all, I’d like to say that I’m starting a new experiment I have been working on for a few months and I concluded that we can resume this experiment together now Dr. Alphys.”

“And what is this experiment's purpose?” She asked with a stern tone as she raised her brow.

“I will explain. But for now I want you to wait for me in the other room we do chemical tests on.” Alphys nodded and before going out of the door she gave a worried look at it.

The doctor turned to it, his eyes were cold as always like he was talking to a wall. “Second of all.” He gestured to the four monsters. “They went into a coma after I injected them with too much substance. Too bad.” He shrugged. “Put them out of their misery.” He ordered simply.

It summoned blasters with mechanical movements and just as he was about to fire them, out of the corner of its eyes it saw Papyrus who was looking into the room with shrunk eye lights and blasters stopped for a moment.

It never questioned what the doctor was doing, its only purpose was doing what doctor orders and nothing else. It doesn’t matter if it’s useless or it’s ruining other people’s lives. It’s an order and it is supposed to _obey_ or…

**_~~“Or what?”~~ _ **

 

 _(“What?” the doctor asked calmly as he approached him. “No?” Doctor laughed as he started to step away from him, already regretting he even dared to deny what the doctor said. “It seems that you’re not getting what I’m saying.” His small back hit the wall, he could no longer step away from the doctor, now who was coming closer. “I am not **asking**_.” _He choked when he was gripped from his neck and pulled up. For a skeleton not breathing should be okay but because they were beings of magic how they functioned is not that basic. “I am **ordering**.” The grip on his neck tightened like it could get any tighter. “When I’m ordering you to do something, you won’t ask, question or even **dare** to refuse me.” He fell on the floor when he was released, his back once again hit the wall when he tried to get away but couldn’t. He can’t get away from the doctor not today… or any time. “Looks like I need to teach this to you once again.” He wished the doctor kept choking him. He didn’t want to go back to that room… a broken ‘please’ came croaking out his mouth. “Now now…” The doctor tsked with disappointment. “It’s not like I want to hurt you, **sans**. From where I look it’s your fault.”_

_It was his fault… He should’ve obeyed. Not struggling every time the doctor hurt him, not questioning every time the doctor orders him to kill someone, maybe the doctor was right… Maybe he did deserve what happened to him, because he was such an idiot not to take a lesson and resist every time. Maybe… the pain would go away if he **yields**.)_

 

It fires the blasters and the monsters dust without even resisting. It didn’t know them or knew why they were here in the first place but it still killed them. It was that easy.

“You hesitated.” The doctor says, it looks into the doctor's cold eyes and its soul… once again _clenches_ with _pain_. “Why is that?”

It gulps down a knot that seems to suddenly appear in its throat. It doesn’t have any answer for that.

“It is a simple question.” Doctor says coldly. “Why. Did. You. Hesitate?” the doctor took some steps and got closer to it, now looking down on him with disgust. “You better not fail me too.” His eyes shifted to Papyrus, which made it want to get his attention back to it rather than the child. “Or I may have to take some precautions… Do you understand?” It didn’t nod which made doctors lips curve upward. “Good. Because you don’t. You are not a monster or a living being with thoughts or feelings. You’re something _I_ created and _I_ say you’re a tool so therefore you won’t feel, think or act. Because you can’t live without me.” Doctor backs away and starts to head towards the door. “Keep this in mind before some _accidents_ might happen.” He walked away after looking at the child who was looking fearfully at the doctor.

After finally the doctor was away, its legs gave out. Papyrus ran up to it with panic and looked at it with worry making it realize that it was rattling.

“Are you okay?” Papyrus didn’t look like he was scared of it even after the incident with the lion.

It quickly shook it off and got up no longer rattling. _“I’m fine.”_ It states.

Papyrus looks like he doesn’t believe him. They stay silent for a moment, only noises coming from the monsters who struggled to breathe from their deep sleeps.

“… Did you… dust them?” Papyrus asked quietly.

 _“Because I was ordered to.”_ It answers coldly.

Papyrus turns to him like he doesn’t believe anything it said. “Is it that simple?”

_“Yes.”_

“I don’t believe that!” The child yelled. “You’re not like them!”

 _“How would you know that?”_ It simply says to this innocent child. _“You do not know some of the facts about me to declare that statement.”_

“I don’t need facts! I know enough. You’re not someone who would kill willingly. You’re not someone who would want this!”

_“I can’t **want** something. I only follow orders.”_

“I don’t believe that either.” Papyrus said. “Was it an order when you decided to take care of me?”

_“That is…”_

“Was it an order when you read to me all those times? Was it an order when you read that manual like your life depended on it?”

 _“… I…”_ It tried to find excuses but… _“… Don’t believe you.”_

“That’s okay!” Papyrus smiled. “I just have to make you believe.”

_“Make me believe what?”_

“That you can be a good person if you try!”

It thinks this child became too optimistic. In this underground the only monster who managed to stay as a good person must be… This child.

 

* * *

 

**_~~“Blank Shell.”~~ _ **

‘ **Who are you?** ’ It asks without using hands, its voice came out in a breath like air, transparent, unknown. This wasn’t a dream because it still was able to feel the bed it was laying on. The voice seemed to keep talking through the darkness as if to haunt it but beings without morals can’t be haunted.

This reminds it that it does not have a regular sleeping pattern and that it would only sleep if it threatened its functionality.

**Who are you?**

The voice wouldn’t answer it no matter how many times it wonders or asks. It would normally report this to the doctor but… It didn’t want to annoy the doctor further than he already was.

Surely it must’ve done something for the doctor to suddenly say something like that and it knew the cause of the changes it has was the child.

It wasn’t a thing that would want or react to something or someone. But this child… broke something in it, and whatever that was broken had spilled all of the things that were hidden or shut down deep inside it and it didn’t know how to stop this. At this rate it was going to disappoint the doctor and the doctor…

The doctor had made sure that it was strong enough. That’s why it didn’t feel any pain when it was hurt in some way, didn’t feel emotions because it wasn’t supposed to have empathy towards its opponents to survive… to be useful to the doctor who made him.

**Who are you?**

The child however… Was really different from it even though they were made by the same person. The child was weak, he wouldn’t be able to defend himself if he were to go outside unlike it who was already fighting and using magic in his age. The child was full of emotion, he would feel bad about the people he doesn’t even know or about fictional characters in those books who weren’t even real.

And the child… Believed it could be a good person unlike it.

**Who are you?**

It can’t want something, it can’t feel… but there are some facts which were undeniable.

It kept the child alive because Dr. Alphys seemed to like him, but taking care of the child part was undeniably its desire, like it was some sort of instinct.

It... Finally _felt_ something for the first time in a long time when it was looking after that child.

**Who are you?**

**_~~“Is that really the question you should ask right now?~~ _ **

…?

**_~~“The real question is:~~ _ **

**_~~Who~~ _ **

**_~~Are~~ _ **

**_~~You?”~~ _ **

After that the voices quieted down and darkness took over its mind as it lost the sense of the bed under it. When it was going into the deep layers of sleep there was one question with clarity that echoed within it… his soul.

**Who am I?**

 

* * *

 

“Kill this person.”

“Go finish that experiment, I left off.”

“I no longer need these subjects, kill them.”

“Go clean the lab.”

“Go do paperwork.”

“I will not tolerate this, do it again.”

“Go fetch me that document.”

This past month it was reminded that the doctor was actually going easy on it these days and it hadn’t even noticed until it was once again put on a tight schedule and had to work 21/7.

When the doctor usually starts an experiment, it goes on for months meaning that they had to work a lot to get results, and unfortunately a lot of experiments involving the substances they got from the human souls failed. Luckily the doctor didn’t seem like he was working on something like that… This substance was _different_. It was still in a test, but the substance had different effects on different monsters. This meant they had to work more and document everything.

This was something it was used to, but why did it… _bothered_ it? Every time it saw Papyrus, every time the doctor gave it orders, every time it followed the orders, there was an indescribable _painful_ clench took over its soul and it didn’t even knew _why_ , but it did its best to ignore this and kept working with mechanical movements like it was expected to. This shouldn’t be a problem, the coldness of the doctor’s voice, the indifference in his demeanor to it like it didn’t exist shouldn’t make its soul like this and the cruel smirk of the doctor shouldn’t keep it having to stop its rattling.

In the end it had to give up and sit down and talk to Dr. Alphys about this.

She had looked at him with surprise then excitement which made it more confused because the feeling of pain shouldn’t be something to get excited over in a doctor’s case. “Tell me everything!” She had exclaimed, throwing out her serious tone and act.

It had explained that its soul started clenching when… It first met the child? It was difficult to remember because the child came into their lives months ago. It also explained about the _memories_ it reminisced.

Alphys had listened to it carefully taking everything it said and considered it, the more she listened about the clench and sudden reactions from it the more the curve of her lips quirked up.

“I think you’re getting your identity back.” She had said in the end.

 _“But… Why?”_ It would be ridiculous if its emotions and memories were coming because of a child.

“I don’t think it’s because of the child. This might have to do something with the… Voices you’re hearing. Can you tell me more about them?”

_“The voices started first when I met with those people in New Home, it… gave me information’s only the person themselves would know. And then it started to talk to me, every time I looked into the mirror, every time I woke up, every time I came face to face with a monster.”_

“And what is it saying?”

It thinks about the endless cacophony of voices and their echoes into the darkness that seems to endlessly talk and haunt it if it were to have emotions or regrets.

**_~~“Murderer husk.”~~ _ **

_“…”_ It took a deep breath while looking down at the white marble below it. _“Who I really am.”_

In the end Alphys had said she would research about the voices as she looked at it with concern.

 

* * *

 

Dust scatters around it like the type of ghosts Dr. Alphys once talked about. It moved around at a steady pace with fast movements, the doctor said nobody should know it killing about one patient's whole remaining family. That’s why it took a long route between back streets and made sure no one saw it.

Weird… those backstreets like labyrinths remind it about its first time outside the lab, the first time it killed a monster outside the lab.

 

_(It was still feeling the pounding fire in its soul from gained LOVE after its enemy dropped down and became dust. The doctor’s cold eyes were following its every movement, ready to shock it from the collar around its neck. After making sure it would do as he said, the doctor had looked at it with a smirk and then said, “You seem really strong… I wonder if you could make your way back without knowing New Home? With all these monsters that’s looking for a fight, or even the royal guard?” It wonders why the doctor had a sudden change of attitude… He was cautious of it running away a few minutes ago._

_“Oh you don’t have to worry about getting lost. I wouldn’t let you run away after all the effort I’ve put on for something worthless as you now, would I? Leaving you to become a free exp would be cruel even for me after all…”_

_It had understood that day that the lab was the safest place. Because the royal guards made sure nobody came closer to the lab with the king’s order. And that the life outside the lab was more dire. Monsters were everywhere, and they were watching with careful movements to attack in a moment of carelessness. It had to fight its way back to the lab for three hours through New Home, learning new attack patterns and fight techniques._

_When it had come back to the lab. The doctor had given it an impressed look and had said that it had suppressed the doctor’s expectation when he realized it wasn’t love drunk after killing all those monsters.)_

It finally came back to the lab and made sure to get rid of the dust on its clothes before it went looking out for Papyrus. For some reason the child didn’t look particularly happy whenever he saw it with dusty clothing.

“Oka-i-ri-na-sa-i!” Papyrus greeted him with a bright look when it went upstairs.

It looked at the child for a moment before raising its head to realize that Dr. Alphys sitting in front of a T.V and she was watching an _anime_.

 _“I see that she made you watch those Japanese children cartoons…”_ It stated.

“They’re not cartoons!” Alphys claimed. “They’re animes! And papyrus agreed to help me… do research… about these…” She turned red.

“You watch it too!” Papyrus said as he pulled it beside them and made it sit down.

The anime was about magical girls and it wasn’t sure what was there to research about these.

It turned around to look at Papyrus watching the anime with bright eyes just like Dr. Alphys. They seemed like they were having _fun_. It was a rare sight… It wasn’t used to seeing monsters enjoy something, without being on guard. When it watched them like this, the air around it became lighter and it seemed like it could breathe a little easier… How weird… It didn’t need to breathe.

But this wasn’t bad at all… for the first time it started to _feel_ things like this, it let this _emotion_ take over, and embraced it.

Was this what they called peace?

 

* * *

 

“The curse of the judge.” Alphys said with a serious tone when the doctor left them alone in the lab.

_“…What?”_

Alphys sighed. “It used to be known as ‘the blessing of the judge’. You know who judges are. This is how they pass down from generations.”

_“…I… Do not understand.”_

“When a judge is about to die, they pass down their ‘blessing’ to the next monster who is going to be the judge who was chosen by the judge themselves. This is how our law used to work. But of course that changed as well with the underground, the judges became corrupt and they used their power for bad. This is why their ‘blessing’ became a ‘curse’ because when a judge _checks_ someone they know things other monsters shouldn’t and use this for their selfish reasons. This is why whenever the king learns a judge exists somewhere, he orders them to be killed because he was the law now and he doesn’t want them to judge him and they don’t work for justice anymore.”

_“Then the voice is…”_

“It must be the ‘judge’. It is said that whenever a judge passes down their blessing or curse, their magic is also passed down. Other peoples _intent_ , their emotions passed down with _magic_ , this is what woke up your emotions that were locked down deep inside your soul.”

**_(“But one day those cursed hands of your will even take the ones you hold dear, and crush them to oblivion.”)_ **

It shuddered. Wondering if the judge somehow _knew_ what would happen to it if it suddenly became a failed experiment.

**_(“That is the price a demon pays.”)_ **

_“Dr. Alphys… Why do you think he chose me?”_ It doesn’t understand why feeling emotions would be a punishment for it.

Dr. Alphys stayed silent for a moment before clasping her hands together on the table. “Maybe he wanted to punish you for… killing…?” It nodded. “…him? And maybe… maybe he pitied you and wanted to give you a chance.”

_“What chance?”_

“A chance for you to be… A monster.”

It had nothing to say to that. It couldn’t… _can’t_ be a monster… _can’t_ be _Sans_ again.

 _“I… Can’t…”_ It quietly said.

“Why is that, _Sans_?” Alphys said like she was pleading. It deeply inhaled like it was punched when it heard _that_ name and slowly shook his head. “Why are you afraid?”

Was it… Afraid? From what? This was so confusing…

“You’re strong… You’re the strongest monsters I’ve ever seen after the king. You can use all the magic’s from light blue to purple and you can’t become love drunk. There is nothing to be scared of… So why?”

Why indeed? From the doctor? No that wasn’t it… this was deeper. Something deeper that made it flinch every time it heard that name, something that made it _feel_ haunted every time it looked into a mirror.

“Are you afraid of… _Remembering_?”

It froze.

**_~~“Bingo.”~~ _ **

Maybe the doctor wasn’t the person it was scared of but the _memory_ of the doctor was what scared it the most. If it failed…

**_~~“You’re scared of returning to that cell aren’t you? To suffer from day to day wondering when you’ll die just to be free. To feel helpless and hopeless… You didn’t become a husk because the doctor forced you to. You become a husk because you tried to protect yourself. You’re scared because you’ll be miserable again or remember how miserable you were.”~~ _ **

It wonders if this was it talking or the judge.

**_~~“It’s both of us. I’m you. You’re me. We became one. These are your thoughts deep inside. I know you because I became a part of you.”~~ _ **

It looked Alphys in the eyes and her eyes became wide at the sight of something she saw in its sockets. It slowly nodded, finally admitting.

Alphys looked down in shame before smiling. “You’re f-feeling…” She sniffed, her voice was teary. “Y-You’re actually feeling… You’re c-coming b-b-back…” She wiped her eyes before pulling herself together.

“I k-kno-… Uhh, I know what you went through was something horrible and b-barbaric… Something a child should’ve never experienced. But, _Sans_ … It’s over now. He’ll never dare to hurt you again. Not when you became his strongest soldier.”

Right… It wasn’t the little child it was all those years ago. Doctor can’t put it in that cell ever again.

It sighed. _“What are we supposed to do now?”_

“You have to be _really_ careful. If they find out you’re a judge…” She shook her head. “… And the fact that you’re feeling again… It’s over once they find out.” She sighed before looking at it with a really serious expression. “I’ll be honest. I don’t think you can stay here anymore. It’s too dangerous for you. I’m sorry but… The only solution I can give you in this situation is for you to run away to a really far place from here.”

What? It never left the lab when it wasn’t necessary, it barely knew New Home, not to mention anywhere else in the underground. And what about the-

“I’ll take care of Papyrus.” Alphys said like she read its mind.

 _“But…”_ but what? Why was there a sudden pain in its soul because of this?

“He can’t survive out there with you, he’s too young. If he stays here I swear I won’t let anything happen to him, and you know the doctor isn’t interested in him. He’ll only make a few remarks or say insults but other than that he’ll leave him alone.” it still wasn’t sure… It wasn’t even sure about leaving. “I promise he’ll grow up safely in here and when he does I swear, I’ll tell him about you. When he grows up, that’s when I’ll let him go with you.”

_“Alphys… It’s not about that. I don’t think I’m ready yet.”_

This was going too fast… It wasn’t ready for something that overwhelming when it was just getting over the shock of feeling something else other than the monotonous numbness.

Alphys looked down. “Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you. You’re just getting used to feeling, you should adjust to it. And when you remember painful things… I want you to know that it’s over, that you can be free, now.”

It slowly nodded remembering the flashback’s and their after effects on it. But it was okay… it was over. It now had a child it had responsibility over. And it should be thinking about his safety first.

 

* * *

 

Everything went downhill instead.

Dr. Alphys had said that getting its emotions or memories back would have some ‘side effects’ since what it went through is something called ‘long-term trauma’ and that it should have therapy. It did not understand why it had to deal with something that happened long ago.

Dr. Alphys had mentioned that it locking away _Sans_ might be its way of coping with the trauma.

It was uncomfortable in most of these therapy sessions because Dr. Alphys was trying to find out why it became this way through the years and this was making it frequently recall what happened and that lead to it having more ‘side effects’.

The side effects included things such as: It having a pounding soul and it feeling like it was going to _pass out_ whenever it saw the doctor even though Dr.  Alphys kept saying it shouldn’t be _scared_ , but this wasn’t as easy as Alphys said. Another thing is that it was uncomfortable in true lab; whenever it was in true lab it had to stop itself from getting _nervous_ or whenever it recalled something such as a tube being showed down its throat and it had to remind itself that was eleven years ago. Or it remembering something out of nowhere it the sight of something simple as a file and had to remind itself to do as Dr. Alphys said and take deep breaths and not lose itself in the scene of the memory it recalled.

The therapy with doctor Alphys wasn’t bad but whenever it recalled something or saw the doctor it was backtracking in what Dr. Alphys called _recovery_. It was starting to think that Dr. Alphys also wanted it away from the lab because of this.

In the end several months had passed since it started to have therapy. And the more it had talked about what it remembered to Dr. Alphys, the easier it became to get used to what happened to it all these years, it thinks it was okay when it stopped getting detached from reality whenever it remembered something or when it stopped being afraid being near the doctor (This was good because the doctor was starting get suspicious.). But Dr. Alphys didn’t share the same idea. _It_ doesn’t know why she thinks that… _It_ was getting used to living with these overwhelming emotions and memories and the side effects were decreasing.

So… Why? _It_ does not understand what the problem is.

 **_~~“Because there is no doubt that you aren’t~~ _ ** **~~you _.”_~~ **

 

* * *

 

“Enough.” The doctor said, Dr. Alphys wasn’t in the true lab, it was only it and the doctor. “I’m tired of this game.”

 _“Excuse me?”_ It doesn’t understand where this was going.

Doctor showed the office door with his hand. It sees the child hiding behind the door frame.

“The child… You’re going to get rid of him.” The doctor simply said with a shrug.

It felt cold on the inside. _“… Why?”_

“I thought it would be amusing to keep him here to see how you interact with him. But it looks like I made a mistake.” The doctor gave it a sharp look.

 _“But-“_ It stopped itself. It couldn’t believe this… Why was this happening? There was no way it would kill the child.

“But?” The doctor had realized it was faltering. “Hey.” It slowly took one step closer to it. It had to swallow the urge to back away. “Do you know who taught you to kill?” He the doctor hissed. It didn’t answer him because it not answering was what the doctor expected of it. “Me. All of your love, all of the things that you are belong to me. The memories you forgot, the emotions you lost, that name… all of them are mine.” The doctor hissed. “Am I your teacher?” It started to take fast and short breaths, it shook his head. “Is Dr. Alphys your friend? Is that kid your family?” It looked up at the doctor, whatever the doctor saw in its face… He must’ve not liked it at all, it frantically shook its head. “I’m not your anything, no one is your anything. Then what are you to me?”

It feels a cold sweat run down its skull after a long silence it raised its hands to answer. _“Your weapon.”_ Its hands were shaking.

The doctor frowned with anger. “Use that weapon then.”

 ** _No._** It’s… _voice_ screamed in its head with terror and anger it had forgotten and lost a long time ago but it quickly faded into terror as a flash of the doctor dragging him by the neck to a cell came to life. No… no… It can’t… can’t… show emotions… can’t… speak… can’t…

It hears a distant rattling.

 _Deep breaths_ , Dr. Alphys’s voice reminds it. _Focus on your surroundings._ True… It was never allowed out of the testing chambers or the cell, it was never able to go into the doctor's office.

With slow breaths it focuses back to come face to face with the doctor's angry face.

“If you won’t use that weapon…” He said with a low voice. “Then I will.”

The doctor turned around to walk towards the child. Once the child realized the doctor was coming towards him he ran away.

 

_(He ran… he ran through the dirty corridors of the lab. He can’t let him catch him, if he did, then **Sans** would never be the same, he had a feeling that once he called that defenseless monster Sans would never be the same, that he would lose himself in some way. That’s why he ran… far… far away, the thoughts that coaxed him to yield still echoed but he can’t let them take over._

_He reached the elevator and frantically pressed the button. But it was too late… he heard footsteps approaching and a feeling of dread took over his body. He had used all of his energy to run away. He slowly turns around to face the doctor._

_“Really Sans?” The doctor shook his head in disappointment. “I thought we agreed on you not running away.”_

_Sans tried to take a step back but his back hit the cool metal of the elevator._

_“Where would you even go?” ‘Anywhere that isn’t here’ Sans thought with spite. “You think you could survive out there? No. I thought you were smart and understood that… Why would other monsters come here frequently to seek help, then?” …. “Why won’t you get it? This is the only safe place you could have I’m trying to help you can’t you see? I’m trying to make you stronger so no one will ever hurt you again.”_

_That’s… no… he’s lying._

_But, Sans did see all the monsters that have fallen down… All the monsters that were afraid of going back out there…_

_Maybe… the doctor was right._

_“If you come with me…” The doctor said as he reached out. “I’ll teach you how to survive.”_

_Sans tried to back away, no he can’t let the doctor fool him! Doctor gave an annoyed ‘tch’ and grabbed Sans by the collar and started to drag him away as Sans started to scream and thrash._

_In the end Sans was forced into that room with the defenseless monster again, electricity going through his body every time he refused, the voltage kept increasing and it hurt… hurt so much… maybe… maybe if he did as he was told… no…. but it hurts!... no!... the voltage increases and it hurts… Sans can’t remember anything but pain anymore. Maybe if he did as he was told maybe if he listened maybe it wouldn’t hurt… maybe if he just **stopped**._

_Sans slowly got up and walked towards the monster. The monster wasn’t even awake, they wouldn’t feel anything._

_Sans summoned a bone, he hesitated and then he felt the tingling of the electricity so he attacked and-and…_

_… The pain stopped._

_Is this what surviving was? Is this how the pain would go away?_

_If Sans could no longer feel this pain this hopelessness this dread… then he would yield… he would yield. He would empty himself so he can survive._

_He would become a weapon, he would give up and stop being himself… to survive._

_That day something in him **snapped**.)_

It started moving without even thinking. It ran after the doctor.

It found them in the exact spot in the memory. But the difference here is that it stepped in front of them and faced the doctor.

“What are you doing?” The doctor asked with spite.

 _“Leave him alone.”_ It signed frantically.

“No. you leave _us_ alone.” Doctor took a step forward, it stepped back. _No_ , it can’t step back if it didn’t stand up now. It would lose the grip it had on himself forever.

“No!” It firmly _said_.

Doctor’s eyes became wide. “What did you just _say_?”

“I said, no! You won’t hurt him.” It- _Sans_ said feeling the fight he had given up all those years ago.

“You…” The doctor was shocked into silence, and he looked between it-him and the child.

A long silence passed between them and he felt Papyrus gripping his arm behind him.

The doctor finally spoke up with a low tone. “To think that my biggest failure would doom my biggest success…”

What success? Sans thought with bitter anger boiling within him. Sans took out his lab coat and threw it on the ground, revealing the red shirt underneath him along with the chains of his sword. He gripped the chains with force to feel if the curse had vanished when he came to his senses, it had. Sans broke the chains on his arm and threw the swords on the ground.

“I’m leaving.” He said with all of the anger and spite he had locked away. The doctor thought he could stop him all those years ago… Well, not anymore. This place wasn’t good for him, it isn’t good for anyone. And Sans doesn’t leave right now. He never will, not knowing what awaits him outside will not stop him this time.

Sans took the elevator and pulled Papyrus close to him, the child hugged him tightly.

Sans got out of the elevator with speed and went straight to Dr. Alphys.

Dr. Alphys gave him a look before her eyes widening. “Your eyes…”

“I’m leaving.” Sans said without waiting for her to speak. “Take good care of Papyrus. I’ll come back for him when he grows up.”

Sans turned around without waiting for her response and got out of the lab into the thick air of Hotland.

Sans stopped walking when he felt someone following him. The lab was still twenty meters away from them.

“Go back to lab Papyrus. It’s okay. Alphys won’t let him hurt you.” He calmly said, feeling numb after all that overwhelming encounter.

“No! You’ll leave if I go back.” Papyrus stubbornly said. “Let me come with you.”

“I can’t take care of you Papyrus.” He said with a raw voice. “I can’t even handle myself…”

“Yes, you can!” Papyrus said as he took a step closer. “Please… don’t leave me, brother.”

Sans took a deep breath, his soul was pounding. Papyrus took another step closer.

“Are you sure?” Sans said like a whisper. “To call someone like me family?”

Papyrus took a step closer.

“Are you sure?” Sans said. “To call someone with dusty hands family?”

Papyrus took a step closer.

“Are you sure?” Sans said, the voice that came back to him seemed to be failing him. “Is it okay for someone like me to be your family?”

Papyrus took several steps closer and hugged him.

 _Related…_ huh?

If Papyrus were to be with him, Sans feels like he can get through anything… he knows he should leave him behind for him to grow up safely… but… but… he hugs the child back.

“I promise I’ll protect as long as I have this soul of mine.” He vowed.

He hears footsteps slowly approaching them and Sans looks up to see a teary eyed Alphys.

“So you decided to take him with you, huh…” She smiled and handed Sans a piece of paper. “Go to this address and tell them I sent you here. They’ll help you.”

Sans nodded and put the piece of paper in his inventory.

Sans held Papyrus’s hand and started walking towards New home with Dr. Alphys waving after them.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally finished this... This took so long to write T_T. The next chapter is going to be New Home Arc!


	3. New Home Arc • Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In your darkest day, in your most desperate time, in your most hopeless day, if you're offering yourself as a remedy, not for yourself but for your children's sake... If you have your childs love in your soul, then you're not desperate. Even if all the doors are locked in on you, if you're holding a place in someone's soul, then you are not prisoned in your own cell.

**_~New Home Arc~_ **

**[Part** **1]**

* * *

 

_(The streets were dark as it walked through the sidewalks silently, trying not to be noticed by the royal guards. It didn’t know why the streets were filled with royal guards and it didn’t matter._

_Only thing it had to do was complete its mission. Do what it was ordered._

_It knew nothing about the monster it saw through the window. Just that he was smiling while talking to his family before a bone pierced through his head and turning into dust._

_It had walked away while his wife and son screamed without thinking nothing but accomplishing its mission.)_

It woke up with the memory pounding in its soul which is unusual since it shouldn’t feel pain.

A lot of things were unusual in this situation.

Like the room it was in. The room wasn’t a dark rusty lab that smelled like dust, this little room had a window so the room wasn’t completely dark, and there were two beds, Papyrus was sleeping on the other bed. The room smelled like a cat and only had a bookshelf and a table with a chair.

It slowly got up without making any sound and walked towards the door. It somehow managed to open the door without it creaking.

It saw two figures sitting on a table and slowly summoned a gun that materialized in its hand in bright red color, with yellow magic. (Weird… where was its swords?)

And just when it was about to aim, a little hand hold the hem of its shirt.

“What are you doing?” Papyrus was looking at it with a concern.

It-

…

“Nothing.” Sans answered as he felt the gun in his hands dematerialize. “Go back to sleep, it’s still too early.”

“How do you know that without a clock?” Papyrus asked with curiosity, he didn’t look like he would go back to sleep.

“I’ve learned that in the lab.” The first days when he was allowed to leave the lab, he learned about the term daytime and nighttime.

“Hmm…” Papyrus looked around. When they had arrived here it was already nighttime and Papyrus was drowsy to realize what was going on when Sans had tucked him to bed. “Are we going to stay here?”

“We’ll be here until we find a place for ourselves.” Sans said hoping Papyrus wasn’t too stressed to live with other people like Sans was.

“Okay.” Papyrus answered with a shrug.

Sans got out of the room quietly with Papyrus following after him and they head towards the living room. Catty and Bratty were sitting on the dining table, drinking coffee.

They greeted Sans when he sat down beside them, without them indicating him to. Papyrus followed him shortly after and Catty and Bratty smiled softly at him, this reminded Sans about Alphys.

It was weird… To get up and not be bombarded with orders.

“Good morning.” Catty said. “So like… We haven’t got to know each other since it was night and all.” Her LOVE is seven.

“Yeah I was pretty surprised when Alphys called us and like asked us a favor.” Bratty continued. “Since she left and became a royal scientist, we rarely saw her.” Her LOVE is nine. Sans shook his head trying to ignore the numbers that he was learning unwillingly.

“I thought you two were really close with her since she trusted you?” Sans asked as he raised brow.

Catty smiled nostalgically. “We are. She was like a big sister to us when we were growing up. She helped us scavenge for food when we were left on the streets… She helped us find part-time jobs together and saved gold. She really helped us, we owe her a lot.”

Bratty snorted. “We used to live behind dumpsters and run away from royal guards… Look where we live now, one of the most decent parts of New home.”

Alphys had talked about this one time. She had said most of the monsters outside the lab lived on the streets and were starving. Only the ones who were lucky enough to live in the wealthy part of the New Home could live decently and that part of the New Home belonged to king and his men along with royal guards with high ranks.

Sans looked down at the brown table. Wondering what he was supposed to do now. He needed a plan, and he had acted irrational when he left the lab without a plan with a child. He wonders if he could do this, if he could live with a child like this… One wrong move and he would end up on the streets. He couldn’t let that happen, not when he had Papyrus to take care of. He can’t let Papyrus go through any hardships.

“I think Alphys said you two came from the Ruins?” Catty slowly asked after a long silence. Sans slowly nodded, hoping they wouldn’t ask anything about the Ruins because he didn’t even know a place like that exists in the underground.

“A lot of people come here to find jobs… But just because New Home is the safest place in the underground doesn’t mean that people are nice. It’s still kill or be killed, people would do anything to live behind the royal guards back and even if royal guards are preventing people from killing each other that doesn’t mean they will protect you from anything. They too, only care about themselves. So like, what is your plan now?”

First of all, Sans needed to find a job to make a decent living for himself and the child. Second of all, he needed to find a house so he doesn’t have to depend on Catty and Bratty. They seemed like nice people just like Alphys but who knows? If things went south Sans didn’t want to have a hard time so he needed to be quick about this.

“I need to find a job.” Sans finally said after he sighed, wondering if he did the right thing when he took Papyrus with him… He had made the same mistake with him when he took Papyrus to that place with the lion and other monsters. He can’t act on impulse, he should carefully decide what to do without acting without even thinking.

Catty and Bratty nodded seemingly agreeing with this idea.

“You can stay here as long as you need.” Catty said.

“Alphys’s friend is our friend.” Bratty agreed. “By the way… this is going to be embarrassing but, what’s your name?”

Sans realized he hadn’t introduced himself to them last night… He had just explained his situation and talked about Dr. Alphys before they said that Alphys called them and that the child looked sleepy so they should talk this in the morning… and he also remembered something else.

He turned and looked at Papyrus who seemed to be looking at him with curious and hopeful eyes.

“My name is… Sans.” He softly said.

Papyrus's bright smile told him everything was going to be okay.

 

* * *

 

“I’m really surprised that you don’t have any weapons though…” Bratty mentioned when they were walking down the street. Catty and Bratty had said he should at least know what’s around New Home. Sans was familiar with the layout of New Home from the tasks doctor gave him but didn’t really know who lived there or what shops were there.

Sans tilted his head to the side at the question. “Why?”

“A lot of people use weapons these days because they need magic to heal themselves or use their magic for energy when they’re starving, so a lot of people like, use weapons these days to save their magic.” Bratty explained.

“You should at least get one when you have enough gold, as I said New Home may be safe but it is still dangerous.” Catty said as she showed her weapon which seemed to be an axe of some sort.

“There are more weapons other than swords?” Papyrus asked with excitement. Even though he looked like he wasn’t worried he was gripping Sans’s hand tightly.

Catty smiled lovingly at Papyrus. “Yeah. There axes, bows, daggers… Spears.” She mentioned the last one with an exasperated tone for some reason.

“Are there weapons with chains?”

“…” Catty and Bratty were quiet and looked at Papyrus with a sad look after that question. Sans had to stop himself from backing away from them and wondered why this bothered them.

“I mean… It depends on what kind of chain you’re talking about…” Bratty slowly said. “I suggest you to avoid weapons with chains if people give them to you… They are often cursed.”

“Cursed?” Papyrus asked with curious eyes.

“Yeah, people would use cursed weapons with chains and would bind it to other monsters. In our history after getting stuck here, it would be used on slaves so they wouldn’t attack their own masters.”

…

“Isn’t there a way to break the curse?”

“Of course there is. Every curse is cast with a _reason_ , when the reason is no more, the slaves would be able to break the chains. But sometimes people would bind the chains with nails… So there would be scars if they did.”

 _‘Deep breaths.’_ Alphys’s voice reminded Sans when he realized he was taking short and fast breaths. Sans had thought he would get rid of the side-effects when he was away from that lab but it wasn’t that easy was it? He still felt the chains on his arms, he still felt the drill tearing apart his bones. Sans gripped Papyrus’s hand tightly and reminded himself that he was far away from that lab and continued walking while taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down.

“But those weapons are really rare and expensive aren’t they, Catty?” Bratty interrupted his thoughts with her voice.

“Yeah. If we had a weapon like that we would be rich!”

Huh… Sans was starting to regret acting out with impulse. He decides that he doesn’t want to know exactly how much gold people would give for that kind of weapon.

Catty and Bratty showed Sans and Papyrus around New Home, telling them where they could shop for groceries without getting worried about being robbed, where they could find medicine that wasn’t poisoned if Papyrus got sick and they showed them… a school. Nervously telling them maybe Papyrus would like to go to one if they could afford it and that the school was safe since it was filled with royal guards who were on watch. Looks like the king really cares about children getting educated for some reason.

Other than that New Home was filled with royal guards who did patrol, they were looking around for danger with careful eyes and their LOVE was at least fifteen. Other than that Sans hadn’t seen any monster who had higher love than fifteen who wasn’t a guard.

Sans could see why Catty and Bratty called New Home the safest place in the underground. But having this much royal guard meant the king knew what was happening in New Home and had surveillance where royal guards patrolled 24/7. And if something were to happen the king would know…

Sans remembers the previous judge he killed… he wonders the reason he was ordered the kill him was just because he stole from the royal scientist and not something else.

If royal guards were to be after them it would be really hard to get out of here even if Sans was strong enough to deal with them.

Sans shook his head, trying to shake the thought out of his mind. He wanted to give a decent life to Papyrus. And considering how Catty and Bratty were talking about the life outside the New Home and what he heard from Alphys, it sounded like chaos. That wasn’t the life he wanted to give to Papyrus. Sans didn’t want Papyrus to live in a place where there was death and starvation and if New Home was the safest place then he would find a way to adapt.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a week since Sans and Papyrus were living with Catty and Bratty. Sans was getting used to living without orders or the lab environment. But he was still having trouble with sleeping because he was hearing and feeling the footsteps of the royal guards doing their night patrol. When he asked about this, Catty and Bratty had told him that there was a ‘curfew’. Every monster in New Home should be indoors after nine p.m. or they were either killed or taken somewhere no one came back from. ‘This was the way that tyrant was dealing with poor people or criminals lurking around in New Home’ Bratty had said with a bitter tone.

Sometimes they would witness people attacking each other in daylight and the royal guards would either beat them or drag them to the king to be judged if they killed someone in broad daylight. And other than the feeling of being watched by the royal guards, Sans thinks living in New Home is tolerable if you aren’t a criminal or have no problems with the king or the royal guards.

He also offered to help Catty and Bratty around the house and they had reluctantly agreed to Sans cleaning the house without any fussing about ruining anyone’s order. Looks like Catty and Bratty weren’t the types of people who would worry about someone cleaning their environment.

He also tried to help them with the cooking but… Let’s just say he was banned from their kitchen.

Another thing was that Sans was getting restless the more he stayed inside the house, doing nothing. It made him feel itchy and he didn’t know what to do about it, so he tried to ignore it while making the place literally sparkle with his cleaning.

Maybe it was because he wasn’t used to not working.

Catty and Bratty had told Sans that he should wait for them to ask around for jobs since they knew about the people around New Home, and the jobs people offered would be shady or not. They had said they were talking to some people and that they hoped they could find a job fitting for Sans.

Sans… Doesn’t really care what he does as long as he could earn a living and not depend on other people. Catty and Bratty were kind, just like Alphys… But Sans still wanted to be out of their house as soon as possible. The more he stayed with them the more uncomfortable he felt.

He tried to ignore the feeling and tried to help them around the house, and not be a bother to them.

“Hey Sans! I’ve got good news for you.” Catty had said when she came back with Bratty that day.

“Yeah! So like we’ve been asking around for jobs for you and guess what? Someone said he wanted to see you today by five!” Bratty continued.

Sans should’ve been happy, but this made alarm bells ring in his head. Like the impulse he had to turn around when he knew someone was going to attack him from behind, but he agreed nonetheless… He had decided to not act on impulse after all.

 

* * *

 

That afternoon after Catty and Bratty explained what kind of job the guy was offering Sans and Bratty got ready to leave. Sans was feeling uncomfortable leaving Papyrus with Catty but he had no choice.

The job he was offered was in a bar, where he could wash the dishes or do cleaning. Sans was glad the job sounded normal and wasn’t something shady.

He followed Bratty reluctantly while they moved across the crowd of people who was going home after a long day of work and after passing some dirty alleys they reached the bar.

On the outside, the building didn’t look quite… Appealing, but Sans had no room to complain after days without finding a job.

They went inside.

The bar looked normal and cleaner than what Sans would expect after seeing the way the bar looked outside. The bar was fairly empty, with only two monsters occupying one of the three tables and the bartender was directly looking at them.

When they got closer Sans realized the red bartender was giant and his head was balding and he had a black beard. He shook Sans’s hand while inspecting him. His LOVE was twelve… Sans tried to ignore that.

“Bratty! I didn’t expect you to bring him so soon!” He welcomed her warmly and what did he mean by that? They weren’t early or late, they were on time.

“What do you mean, Oni? How rude! When was I ever late to do favors for you whenever you asked them?” Oh, it was just something between them.

“Hah! Don’t get me started… come on, let’s take a seat.” He said while showing one of the empty tables.

They sat down and Oni turned to Sans and squinted his eyes. “Hmm… Weird, I feel like I saw you before… Have you ever been in New Home before?”

“No Oni, he wasn’t. I told you he’s coming from the Ruins. He was never here before.” Bratty said dismissively and Sans averted his eye lights from the guy.

“Huh… Must be coincidence then.” He said thoughtfully. “Well let’s get to business. First of all, as you can see this bars business is slow so I can’t offer you much. Second of all, I’m working two jobs a day so you have to work alone in the morning hours.”

“How much are you offering him?” Bratty asked.

“I open the shop around eight and close it around six. I’ll give two gold an hour.” Two gold an hour… him working from eight to six means he’ll be working eleven hours… meaning eleven times two equals twenty two. Twenty two times thirty equals six hundred and sixty gold a month…

Bratty sighed. “Can’t you make that four gold an hour at least?”

Oni shook his head. “I’m really on a tight spot here… I wouldn’t offer a job if I didn’t need someone to manage the bar in the morning, really.”

Thinking about all the grocery shopping and the house rent Catty and Bratty pays… This was a really low pay and Sans would definitely need another job or jobs, but this was a start… he could try to save some gold until he found a decent apartment with a low rent for him and Papyrus and try to manage until he found another job.

Sans sighed. “Fine. I accept it.” This was going to be hard.

Oni smiled, showing all his yellow teeth and stood up, Sans also stood up and he shook Oni’s hand again. Oni looked at him carefully.

“Huh… You got funny eyes… the left one is red while the other one is white.” Sans… actually didn’t know about that but before he absentmindedly start to think about that he backed away once he saw a realization dawning on Oni’s face.

Oni backed away while his eyes widened. “I know you!” Sans restlessly looked around, not knowing what to do. “You’re…” Sans braced himself. “You’re the red demon!”

Bratty looked at Oni and Sans uncertainly before talking. “Red demon? What are you talking about Oni?”

“You said he was a decent guy Bratty! You said you would bring someone nice to my bar not a serial killer!” Sans flinched and looked down at his black boots, he didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You two better explain!” Bratty yelled defensively.

“Right…” Oni breathed out. “You wouldn’t know, Bratty. This guy,” He pointed at Sans. “Is pretty famous in the shady districts. Particularly about his one-way slaughters, and him killing people in their homes out of nowhere!” That… It isn't his fault, he had no choice! Sans wanted to yell. But he had frozen on the spot.

“What?” Bratty breathed out in shock.

“It’s true. He’s lying to you, Bratty. Don’t believe him. He didn’t came from the Ruins! He knows this place. At least he was here before, a lot.”

Sans gulped, and took deep breath… he realized the other monsters who were sitting on the other table was looking directly at him, when they saw Sans looking back they turned away in _fear_. Sans stumbled back and got out of the bar.

He should’ve listened to his gut feeling, he thought as he waited for Bratty to come out.

The way back to the house was silent. Like the silence before the storm he read to Papyrus once.

 

* * *

 

“Hey! You two are back. So like, how did it went?” Catty asked when they came in with a smile, she was sitting on the couch with Papyrus. Her smile turned into a frown when she saw the expression on Bratty’s face. “What happened?”

“Catty, we need to talk.” Bratty said and pulled her to the kitchen.

Sans slowly closed the door, Papyrus stood up and walked towards him with a worried look.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Sans gulped… The feeling of a knot in his throat wasn’t leaving. “Papyrus, can you go back to your room?"

Papyrus looked more worried after what he said. “What happened?”

“Just…” Sans averted his eyes. “Go to your room, okay?”

Papyrus nodded and went into their shared room for this past week. Sans slowly sat down on the couch and waited for Catty and Bratty to come back. Maybe he shouldn’t wait for them to come back and just take Papyrus and leave without them noticing. But… He didn’t, for some reason he doesn’t quite understand.

He restlessly looks around the house for the last time and wonders why he’s feeling dreadful at this sight. Clock ticks, Sans looks around the small house, his soul was pounding.

In the end, Catty and Bratty stepped out of the kitchen nervously, looking like they didn’t know what to say.

They slowly walked into the living room… They didn’t sit down. They just stood there awkwardly.

“Sans…” Catty started. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Why did you lie to us?” Bratty cut her off.

“Bratty!” Catty protested.

“What? He didn’t came from the ruins, Oni said he must have maxed LOVE! He could’ve told us! For that tyrants sake! He has a _child_ with him!”

“Bratty, I know. But _Alphys_ sent him to us.”

“I love Alphys too, Catty. But… This is really dangerous, Sans. No offense. Do you know how many monster are out there looking for you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry but you can’t stay here any longer. You should go… Tomorrow.”

Sans looked at them carefully, Catty looked down, she didn’t like this but she didn’t fight with Bratty. Bratty looked apologetic too. They were sorry but they had no choice but to ask him to leave… they had worked hard for this life they earned, they couldn’t let Sans ruin it.

Sans simply nodded. This was fair. He slowly stood up, starting to head towards the room he was given. He had a whole night to think about what he was going to do tomorrow.

“Also!” Catty called after him. “You can… Leave Papyrus with us.”

Sans froze. “What… what do you mean?” He quietly asked. “I can protect him…” Did he do something wrong with taking care of the child for her to say that?

“I… I don’t mean it like that…” Catty stuttered. “It’s just that you have maxed LOVE and…”

“What she means is that since you have a maxed LOVE, you might hurt the child.” Bratty interrupted.

“What?” Sans was shocked, how could they…?

“Look, I know you’re trying your best to take care of this child but you have maxed LOVE and monsters like that isn’t… fit to be a parent. I’m going to be honest here… I don’t think you can take care of this child. You’re… you’re dangerous!”

A sudden feeling… Sans was _angry_. He was angry a lot, at the doctor. But this anger was unfamiliar. It wasn’t like the anger that slowly ate away his soul in pain, this was sudden like a match being thrown into gasoline. It makes him act on impulse.

He turns around. “I’m leaving.” He says coldly, Catty and Bratty backed away in fear.

Sans opened the door to find Papyrus just behind the door. He must’ve been listening. Sans held his hand and quickly walked to the front door.

“Sans wait! You can’t find somewhere else until curfew! You can’t-“ He didn’t know which one of them was talking and didn’t care. He slam the door shut behind him and started walking without knowing what to do but all he wanted to do was walk and walk and walk… He wanted to be away from them. So far away.

“Sans…” Papyrus quietly called out. “Slow down... and you’re hurting my hand.”

Sans stopped walking and loosened his grip on Papyrus’s hand. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you…”

“I know…” Papyrus hugged him. “…Don’t leave me…”

“Never.” Sans said seriously. “We’ll find a way.”

 

* * *

 

He wasn’t going to act on impulse he had told himself. But he didn’t listen to himself did he? He had no gold, nowhere to go with a kid. What was he thinking when he left that house?

It was past curfew and they were outside.

He had to be really careful so no one would notice them. He had to find a way to hide himself and Papyrus from other monsters and royal guards… especially royal guards. They couldn’t get caught.

That’s why he heads towards the shady districts of New Home. At least that part of the New Home wouldn’t be filled with royal guards, because even they knew they shouldn’t deal with the shady parts of the New Home, which was rumored to be filled with hunters, and that was equally dangerous but it was better than dealing with getting caught.

For the whole night Sans just held Papyrus and hid behind a dumpster. When he sensed other monsters coming close he just fled while carrying Papyrus. Every time he moved around Papyrus would cling to him in fear and Sans felt more stupid about leaving Catty and Bratty. He thought he was more rational and knew what he was doing but it seems these emotions also has negative effects. He needs to think clearly and plan what to do. He can’t let Papyrus go through this every day, not to mention that they had no gold and Sans didn’t know what to do if Papyrus said he was hungry. He needed to find a way to earn gold. Fast.

But this wasn’t as easy as he thought. He didn’t know anyone, and whenever he walked into a shop, all of the monsters would turn to Sans with a dangerous magic, not to mention the most of their LOVE was higher than ten. Turns out the shady districts in New Home didn’t worry much about dusting monsters in broad daylight because royal guards weren’t present in that part of New Home. Not to mention people mugged or killed each other just to have food or gold. When the place he was trying to find a job was poor and people would do anything to survive Sans did not had much choice.

It wasn’t even ‘not much’, it’s actually Sans doesn’t have any choice. Wherever he went people only looked at them like free exp’s, that’s why Sans started to walk around the back streets and alleys because he didn’t want to go into a fight and stress Papyrus more. Sans had expected the child to be more bothered with the lack of food but he actually wasn’t… the child didn’t complain if Sans couldn’t find any food in the dumpsters. Weeks past, they lurked around the alleys and tried to live quietly. Hunger became something that even bothered Sans, which is really unnecessary, Sans couldn’t waste food on himself when he hardly finds food for Papyrus.

They started to smell like garbage, sometimes Sans couldn’t find any food for Papyrus for days, sometimes Papyrus would hug Sans so tightly that Sans felt like his soul was about to break.

Sans met with him in one of those days where Papyrus hadn’t eaten anything for two days, where Papyrus was drowsy from the lack of food and magic level and Sans was desperately rummaging through garbage.

“Hey you.” At first Sans didn’t know where the sound was coming from until he looked down to see a monster that resembled a mole. “Can you listen to me for a sec.” Sans backed away already deciding that this guy was shady without looking at any numbers. “Ah! Wait! Please listen to me!” Sans stopped and held Papyrus tighter when his hug tightened.

“Ah thanks.” The monster said as he got closer and offered a handshake. “Name’s Charles.” Sans just looked at him, waiting to hear what he’ll say warily.

Charles’s LOVE is five.

“I’ve been looking for you actually.” Maybe Sans should’ve fled but if this monster was looking for him, it might be connected to doctor. Then Sans wouldn’t hesitate to kill this monster. “You’re pretty famous actually… the red demon.” Sans had to stop himself from backing away. “I heard that people put the ‘red’ there because you’re able to combine red magic with other types of magic. Which is pretty appraisable, really! You must be pretty strong to handle that, considering that people burn themselves out in second just with using red magic and you combine that with other types of magic! And I’m not even talking about you being able to using different types of magic-“

“What do you want?” Sans cut him off.

“Calm down, mister. I just want to offer you a job is all.” Charles said while smiling… weirdly.

“A job?” Sans doesn’t have a good feeling about this. Sans had a feeling that the job this guy would offer him would be something about dealing with drugs or kidnapping maybe.

“Yeah! And it would be a really easy one for you anyway!” Sans tilted his head to the side while frowning. “I do a business where I do ‘favors’ for people. And a lot of my clients ask me if I could ‘take care’ of some hunters if you know what I mean. Now, I have employees who is capable of fighting but when it comes to hunters… now that’s a bit too much for me, I lost a lot of my employees for one client. But if I have someone like you it would be really easy and I would have lot more clients!” What…? “So… what do you say? This must be really easy for you and both of us win.”

What? Easy? Red demon? Taking care of hunters? What kind of person does Charles thinks Sans is? That he was a-

“I mean it must be hard…” Charles interrupted his spiraling thoughts. “Taking care of a child on the streets… and I would even offer you that I would find an apartment with a decent rent for you two.”

Sans’s mind cleared out, finally looking at the big picture like he was supposed to and not feeling things about idiotic reasons: why is he even getting angry over this? He had maxed LOVE, people knew he killed people frequently through the years the doctor allowed him out of the lab, it was natural that people thought Sans wasn't capable of taking care of a kid.

Other than that stupid problem is that Charles was asking Sans to kill people… Sans tried his best to not get into fights with other monsters and he fled once he felt a presence near them.  If he was going to kill people for gold than he would’ve done that from the start.

“I…” Sans started to talk but then he heard a growling sound coming right from Papyrus.

Sans looked at Papyrus who looked away in embarrassment. Sans was reminded that Papyrus hadn’t eaten anything for two days… It’s been weeks since he even changed clothes.

Didn’t Sans told himself that this wasn’t the life he wanted give to Papyrus?

He wanted give Papyrus a room where he could be safe from all this starvation and hopelessness and death… he wanted Papyrus to be happy, not him looking around with fear.

Sans wonders why is he having a hard time deciding about this. He had killed for the doctor without asking anything in return. 

After looking at the situation he put Papyrus in for a moment and getting his rationality back, Sans looked at Charles and said. “Okay. I accept it.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Desperation is something that is right in front of your remedy, but you not having the time to find that remedy is desperation.  
> Desperation isn't an unanswered deserted loneliness, the real obstacle is the life going on outside... the real obstacle is the life that is not allowing you to pass, the life that doesn't care about you.  
> Real desperation is not having no answer to your problem. The real desperation is when the solution is ones cure but when that cure is the others poison.  
> Every choice people make is actually a remedy. The real desperation is that choices consequence's.  
> Its easy to accept when you have nothing to do. Real desperation is when you ask yourself 'did I do my best?' when all is said and done.  
> Because desperation is when you have the remedy being pulled away right when you grabbed it.


	4. New Home Arc • Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The aim of life is self-development. To realise one's nature perfectly-that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves, nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one's self. Of course they are charitable. They feed the hungry, and clothe the beggar. But their own souls starve, and are naked.”  
> -Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicide.

**_~New Home Arc~_ **

**[Part 2]**

* * *

 

“You don’t have to bring me here every day, Sans. I can manage myself…” Papyrus said while pulling his hand away from Sans’s grip when they got closer to school entrance.

Sans gave him a worried look. Papyrus was like this for a while…he wonders if something happened at school.

“Is something wrong?” He carefully asked.

“No, why?”

“I thought someone may be bothering you?” Sans carefully looked at the royal guards standing like a statue in front of the school.

“Nyehe…” Papyrus laughed. “They’re just rich jerks who depend on their parents whatever happens. Those kids can’t even fight.”

Sans raised a brow. “I trust you to be a responsible fourteen year old and not get into trouble.”

Papyrus laughed again. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

He lightly hugged Sans, they were same height now. Then Papyrus disappeared inside the building. Sans smiled after him before turning around, maybe it was just something kids do when they were growing up… what did Alphys called it? Sans wonders. He still had the book he found four years ago when he was first adjusting to taking care of a child. Maybe he needed another one for fourteen year olds?

Charles had called him last night, telling him he had another client. That’s why Sans was heading towards the building Charles called his office.

When he arrived at the shady looking office in the shady districts of New Home, he found Charles rummaging through files. He smiled when he saw Sans.

“Ah! Finally. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“You could’ve just said who my target is.” Sans said while crossing his arms. “You didn’t have to call me here.”

“Yeah, well I needed to because I have to give this to you.” Charles said as he pulled out something under his desk.

It was a sword… which was in a black scabbard.

“It’s my client’s gift for you, they said it’s some sort of katana or a samurai sword? Something like that. You’ll get the half of the payment when the job is done.” He said as he gave the sword to Sans.

Sans took the sword out of the scabbard. He looked at it for moment, it looked nothing like the swords that was bind to him with chain for years.

“I don’t really need this?” He mentioned.

“Nah, you do. You see… some rumors say that royal guards are starting to inspect magic residues from the dusts to find killers. Monster kind’s technology is advancing… therefore you can’t risk getting caught or leave evidence.”

Sans nodded as Charles started to talk about his target. It was always the same story: some rich people has problems with hunters or a monster with high LOVE and they need someone to take care of that monsters.

He tuned him out until Charles gave him the location and monsters photo. Sana walked away without hesitation.

It was always the same scenario. Sans would find the monster alone and would take care of them, fast. Or they would be with a group of monsters, and Sans had to follow them until they were alone or find a way to kill them without being noticed.

But sometimes monsters who were really skilled fighters would notice Sans before he could kill them without being notice and a fight would break out.

Just like now.

The monster was alone when Sans found him and followed him into a dark alley before the monster drew his sword and attacked Sans who blocked with his new sword or katana… whatever.

The monster knew Sans was following him and he was a really experienced fighter… maybe Sans should’ve listened Charles when he was talking about this monster.

The guy jumped back and smiled at Sans with excitement before dashing forward to attack again. Sans blocked him with his sword every time he attacked. But when their swords clashed and both didn’t backed Sans looked at the monsters eyes. Their eyes had no sanity in them… love-drunkenness, it thought. It backed away and waited for the monster to attack it. Monsters moves were fast but unsteady, they were only charging at it, wanting to quieten the burn in their soul.

After four years dealing with hunters who were love-drunk, It knew what this drunkenness really was. It starts as a painful burn the first time they kill and gain LOVE but once they past the nineteen, it becomes numb, and they could only feel once they kill and the more dust they pile up the more alive they feel until they lose the barely sanity they have left and become love-drunk.

Just like this monster in front of it.

It dodges this time when the monster starts attacking, and then kicks them before slashing them with its sword.

They crumble into dust while laughing hysterically.

It-

…

It’s been four years… Sans doesn’t know why he was having problems with this.

He was safe… he was away from that lab, that doctor. But he still couldn’t shake off the memories, couldn’t shake off the panic he felt every time someone loomed over him with cold eyes.

Why? He had decent life with Papyrus, now. He made sure to not do any mistakes, or act on impulse ever again. Made sure he didn’t have any problems with the royal guard and not being seen by anyone when he was killing his target.

Sans put the sword back in the scabbard, he had put behind his leather coat that reached below his kneecaps, and started to head towards his apartment while texting Charles that he had taken care of the guy.

**_~~“Because you’re still the same. Because nothing changed.”~~ _ **

 

* * *

 

_(“Please… no…” The monsters that was laying on the ground, defeated, begged it to stop, to not do what it was about to do._

_It tuned him out. It had gotten used to this anyway, and it summoned bones that pierced right through monsters soul and the monster became dust with wind blowing them away._

_It walked along the streets of New Home before it realized that it was walking through a dark, dusty corridor with dim lightening’s. It looked around in panic, not knowing what to do._

_When it looked ahead it saw the doctor, and it slowly backed away… why was the doctor angry, now… it starts to take fast and short breaths his soul was pounding, sweats were leaking through his skull._

_The doctor got closer but… was the doctor always this short? The doctor didn’t looked like a skeleton either._

_The doctor looked like… Charles.)_

 

Sans woke up on the couch, he had almost fell down from it. He looked around. When did he fell asleep? He slowly sits up and realizes Papyrus had put a blanket on him.

“Are you okay?” Papyrus asked as he came out of the kitchen and sat down beside Sans. “You didn’t look like you were having a pleasant sleep.”

Sans doesn’t remember ever having a pleasant sleep but he doesn’t say anything about that. He just shrugged.

“Sans…” Papyrus slowly asks, he used that tone when he was about to ask a really personal question to Sans. “You know, I don’t really remember much about the days in the lab… I wonder why?”

“Well, you didn’t go out much and were always inside. You must’ve forgotten because you just didn’t do anything, maybe? And I heard that people forget eighty percent of their childhood.”

“Hmm…” Papyrus sighed. “But I remember something’s…” He looked uncertainly at Sans before continuing. “Like Dr. Alphys talking about you… or you saying things about yourself without any eye lights… and… that doctor.”

“Well…” Sans started, trying to sound calm. “That’s normal since I used to work there. You know that.”

“But… you have things you’re not telling me about yourself.”

Sans smiled. “And you have problems with rich kid  you’re not telling me, but you don’t see me complaining.”

Papyrus pouted. “Of course you’ve noticed…” He was letting Sans change the subject but Sans knows that Papyrus would try to talk to him again... when Sans was ready for it at least.

Sans snorted at his reaction. “Now, would you reveal your darkest secret to your brother?”

“… No.” Papyrus turned his head away. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Well, I can decide that if it’s big or not after hearing it.”

“Hmm… I don’t know how to explain actually? I’m not being bullied first of all, but the kids in class doesn’t want to be friends with me either. So I don’t know what to call this situation.”

“They’re isolating you?”

“No… I just don’t like them. They’re snobby, and they’re all assholes. I just don’t like being in the same place with them.”

“Maybe you should try to distract yourself from them?” Sans offered. “Maybe you can bring a book with you and read that.”

“Yeah, that makes sense… I was reading _Crime and Punishment_. I can bring that with me tomorrow.” Papyrus said with a sigh before turning to sans with a grin. “Can I say that I would’ve punched all them if I could?”

“ _Papyrus_ … what did I say about genocidal tendencies?”

**_~~“Look who’s talking…”~~ _ **

…

Sans will just ignore that.

“I’m not saying I’m _going to_ ,” Papyrus huffed. “I’m just mentioning I would’ve if the school wasn’t filled with royal guards.”

Sans laughed. “Even though, you didn’t even got into a fight for even once in your life?”

“Then I would’ve learned fighting.” Papyrus looked at Sans giving him _the look_. “…If I could _._ ” He added, Sans smiled at him.

Silence passed between them as Sans folded the blanket and put it onto the arm of the couch.

“Hey, Sans…” Papyrus started uncertainly again. “Are you… really okay too?”

“What do you mean?” Sans asked. He was confused, did he do something to imply that? Even though he was perfectly fine.

“It’s just that… sometimes you have this look in your eyes and…” Papyrus paused, not knowing what to say. “Sometimes you look exactly the same as you were years ago even though you have eye lights.”

Sans looked at Papyrus with shock. Did he? He doesn’t understand… everything is perfect. They’re not living on the streets, they’re not stuck in a lab. Papyrus was going to school, Papyrus wasn’t clinging to him with fear, and Papyrus was saying he can manage himself. And even though Sans sometimes had unpleasant dreams and side-effects were still showing themselves sometimes, Sans thinks he was finally at peace… that he was finally free.

Then why? Why was he still having nightmares about dust even though he was away from the doctor, why was he still going back to being _it_?

“I didn’t know that…” Sans quietly admitted. “I _think_ I’m fine. Everything is just fine.”

**_~~“Is it, now?”~~ _ **

“Hey Sans… Do you have to do this job?”

“What do you mean?” Sans tilted his head to the side. With this job Sans was able to earn gold, with this job Sans was able to send Papyrus to school, and with this job Sans has gotten to know lot more people and New Home better. He had even saved too many gold that even if he lost this job he could survive with Papyrus for _years_. Benefits of doing work for the rich…

“But aren’t you… killing people?” Papyrus said quietly.

“Everyone is killing people, Papyrus.” Sans answered. “People are killing each other so they won’t be killed. We have no choice.”

“I know that. But it’s just that we… _you_ had no choice but to kill four years ago. But… now, you don’t have to… if you don’t want to.” Sans looked at Papyrus, he was confused. Papyrus suddenly stood up. “Well whatever! What do we have for dinner?”

Sans grinned, accepting Papyrus to change the discussion, but he would think about it when he’s head was more clear and not drowsy from sleeping. “Your favorite.”

“Lasagna!” Papyrus yelled as he ran to the kitchen while Sans started to laugh.

 

* * *

 

It happened on a day when he left Papyrus to school like always.

Charles hadn’t called him that day and Sans was thinking about what to do when gets to home. He would do chores… maybe he would pick up some books for Papyrus.

While he was thinking about these he noticed something following him.

He didn’t think much of it, because this happened a lot through the years. Maybe some gang members were following him because he killed one of their members, or a hunter who wanted to challenge him to a fight.

Sans turned left and started to get lost in the narrow alleys. If the monster wasn’t too determined to face Sans, they would leave him be.

But this time… this monster kept following him.

Sans led them to an empty spaced area.

He stopped walking and turned around.

The monster that was following Sans was a boy with red diamond shaped head. He was wearing a cap. Sans wondered why this teenager followed him.

“You probably don’t even remember me… But I remember you.” The boy gave a hollow chuckle. “They say you’re in your twenties… but you still look the same.”

Sans tilted his head to the side while he frowned. He never experienced something like this so he didn’t know how to react or what to do.

Sans opened his mouth to talk but the kid raised his hand to stop him and shook his head. “Nah… don’t talk. You never talked that day… you just came through the darkness and stood right in front of our window. You didn’t care that my _dad_ was sitting with his _family_. You just summoned a bone and dusted him… you didn’t even looked back when you walked away when me and my mother _screamed_ and cried.”

Sans held his breath… he… didn’t remember that. It… It wasn’t his fault, he was _ordered_ to.

**_~~“Same old story… same old excuse…”~~ _ **

“Do you know what kind of monster my dad was?” the boy continued when Sans didn’t answer. “My dad… he was the kindest monster in this hellish underground. He was the only monster who had the balls to stand up against that fucking tyrant.” _And that’s why he was killed._ Sans added before feeling something indescribable take over his soul after that thought.

“Kid-“ Sans tried to reason.

“ _Don’t call me kid!_ I’m not a kid anymore! I grew up once my dad died, and when my mom left me on the streets when I was just _five_. Do you know what you did to me?! Did you even know anything about my dad?! No!” The boy yelled and then he pulled out a pocket knife. “He was my dad!”

They boy dashed forward and slashed the knife. Sans realized his LOVE was sixteen. He dodged while they boy attacked him without even stopping while Sans’s mind raced anxiously.

What was he supposed to do? Whenever Sans tried to talk to him the kid would yell something and wouldn’t listen to Sans, he just kept attacking with hatred and anger he had bottled up in his soul for years.

Sans didn’t know how to deal with this. The kid must know what Sans was capable of but he had still attacked him, the kid didn’t care about his own life. He hated Sans so much that he would accept death as long as he killed Sans.

The kid kept attacking and Sans kept dodging until Sans just used green magic on kids soul to stop him. Maybe he would listen when he was forced to?

“Listen-“ Sans started but kid looked at him with pure hatred and Sans stopped.

**_~~“Does a reason can change the fact that you killed someone?”~~ _ **

“ _Fuck you_. I know I can’t win against you. I just wanted you to _see_.” The kid said before slitting his wrist. Sans watched in shock as the kid crumbled into dust.

Sans didn’t know what to do. See... what did he see?… that he had killed someone without even knowing who they were, without questioning.

_(“But aren’t you… killing people?”)_

Sans froze.

**_~~“You’re slow, even though you were a scientist once.”~~ _ **

He gulped. No… no… that wasn’t it.

**_~~“Denial? Really, now?~~ _ **

_No!_ He did not enjoy killing. He had no choice, they were starving! They needed gold. He still remembers how desperate they were.

**_~~“We both know you aren’t in the same situation you were four years ago.”~~ _ **

…

**_~~“Tell me Sans… what changed when you ran away from that lab?”~~ _ **

He… got his emotions back, he was free… and…

**_~~“And?”~~ _ **

And he still kills people. He still… kills people he doesn’t know. He didn’t know any of their names, lives or if they even had a family. He just cared about the numbers he saw and thought it was okay to kill them. Ignoring the way their eyes looked dead, ignoring the way they begged.

He looks at the dust before him.

It wasn’t Charles, it wasn’t Gaster that made him kill this monster’s dad… and his family.

He did it. He killed them… he did _this_.

_(“He was my dad!”)_

How could he? How could he not see their eyes, their desperation? Didn’t he even think they had families?

It was Sans that killed these people. Not Charles, not Gaster. He did it. No one else but him.

_Hedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidithedidit-_

Sans covers the sides of his skull even though he didn’t had any ears. His skull was pounding, there was a pain in his soul like it was cracking. He feels like he was about to die.

His soul hurt so much that he wishes he made Gaster electrocute him to death rather than killing that monster.

_(“Maybe he wanted to punish you for… killing?...him?)_

The reality of feeling has finally reached Sans.

_(It doesn’t understand why feeling emotions would be a punishment for it.)_

He didn’t know anything… he didn’t know any of the monsters he ruined the lives of… they were just nameless targets to him but they were _people_ , monsters who were struggling to survive, just like him.

How could he?

How? … How?

 

* * *

 

Sans doesn’t even know how he got home.

He walks towards his room with shaky legs and he locks the door behind him as his legs finally gave out and he dropped down.

He felt heavy, his entire existence felt heavy… It was like his being, his soul couldn’t carry this little broken body anymore.

He looked down. Wondering if all of the things that happened to him could justify what he had done.

**_~~“Of course not.”~~ _ **

Sans gulped, thinking he was left no choice and that he had done what he’d done so he could survive.

**_~~“Does that change the fact that you killed multiple monsters?”~~ _ **

Sans shook his head. No… It didn’t.

How? How couldn’t he notice the look in all of their eyes? How could he see them beg and yell and still do the final blow?

**_~~“The consequence of having maxed LOVE… you become ignorant to the people around you. Not feel their pain… not feel empathy towards them. But when you realize what you’ve done…”~~ _ **

Sans rattled violently, he was remembering something else other than being tortured.

All those monsters… all of their faces, all of the looks in their eyes as they crumbled into dust. He didn’t know their names, he didn’t bother to listen Charles talk about them, didn’t bother to listen Gaster’s brief explanation about what they’ve done to deserve to be killed.

_(“He was my dad!”)_

He remembered… he remembered all of these and he couldn’t stop himself from rattling and the pain in his soul wouldn’t stop. The throbbing, moved through his body and everything _hurt_.

Is this the consequence of what he has done?

That day… when killed that monster in a small room, he didn’t save himself from the pain. He ruined himself.

Sans curled in on himself. Out of all those experiments that was done to him, out of all the forceps that was put into his sockets, all the poison injection, the drill… none of it could’ve hurt this much.

Is this what feeling _really_ was?

**_~~“It is. Feeling is… painful. It makes you do things you swore you never would. It makes you horrified of what you’ve done to survive. And then it makes you ask yourself that was it really worth it?”~~ _ **

Sans hold the place where his soul would be and tried to take deep breaths… it wasn’t working.

How is he supposed to do deal with this? How is he supposed to redeem himself?

**_~~“The pain won’t go away.”~~ _ **

Is this his punishment for all the things he’d done?

**_~~“… There is only one way to find out.”~~ _ **

Sans looked up as he felt a tingling in one of his eye sockets, when he looked up and saw his reflection on the windows, he realized his white eye light had turned yellow.

 

* * *

 

“Sans…” Papyrus startled Sans. “You’re burning the pancake…”

Sans looked down when he realized the smell… he carefully flipped the pancake. The half of the pancake was dark brown that was turning to black… “I’ll eat that one.” Sans said.

Papyrus shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

True… Papyrus used to eat food out of garbage. Even though it was a really long time ago now.

“At least they’re edible, brother.” Papyrus said as he grinned.

Sans sighed when he remembered the first time he tried to cook. He still doesn’t understand why he tried to wash the vegetables with a soap. He was a supposed to be a scientist, he should’ve known.

Sans feels a pair of eye lights boring into his skull. “You’re not gonna tear a hole in my skull with your eye lights, Papyrus. I suggest you try different methods.”

“Nonsense! I was just wondering why one of your eye holes was changing colors.”

“Which one?” Sans asked.

“Your white eye light, it’s light-blue, now? Even though it was white a moment ago.”

Sans hummed, he was feeling at peace. “Must be because I’m expressing emotions for real, now.” Papyrus looked more suspicious.

When he’s finished with the pancakes he slowly gives the plate to Papyrus and he puts them on the table.

When they sat down, Sans realizes Papyrus was looking at him. He tries to ignore it and cut his pancake. He knows he wasn’t going to run away from the subject and he was just trying to prevent the inevitable.

“Sans…” Papyrus started, and Sans put down his utensils and looked at him. “What happened?”

Actually… nothing happened. Sans just locked himself in his room for three days, and since he encountered that kid when he had left Papyrus to school, Papyrus had to come back home himself and he got worried sick when Sans didn’t answered him when he tried to open the door, all he did was wait for him to get out.

Sans doesn’t know how tell Papyrus that he judged himself so he tries to give him half of the truth. “Nothing… I just had to reflect on myself a bit…”

Sans didn’t know how much he needed that… he feels refreshed, like he can actually live for real.

“A bit?” Papyrus raised brow. “You scared me. I thought something happened when you didn’t answer me.”

“I’m sorry for that.” Sans answers. “I swear I won’t lock myself in my room like you ever again.”

Papyrus exhaled. “That happened only _once_. And that was because I thought you were leaving me when you said I was starting school. I mean… I’m still a little salty about that like this pancake.”

Sans looked down at the pancake, he must’ve forgot to _not_ add any salt. “I still don’t understand why you don’t like going to school and learning things besides the people in it.”

“That’s because you can teach me about them too Sans… Why am I going to school when you’re here again?”

Sans sighed. “Because this house isn’t safe when I’m not around. Speaking of that I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Papyrus said as he drank his tea.

“We’re moving out.” Papyrus spat out his tea. “Also I’m quitting my job.” Papyrus started coughing.

Sans waited Papyrus to calm down. “What’s the sudden change, brother?” Papyrus asked.

Sans shrugged. “Just realized that I wasn’t happy with my job, that’s all. I thought maybe we could find someplace else and that I could find another job since now I know a lot of people…” He nervously looked at Papyrus, wondering if he would be upset by this. He knew a lot of people that didn’t have the luxury to make this decision like him.

Unlike what Sans thought Papyrus smiled at him. “That’s really good, brother. Have you looked into any places yet?”

“No, I was thinking we could do that together, after I talk with my boss.”

“Wowie! That’s great. Does this mean that-“

“You’re still going to school.” Sans said as he took a bite out of his pancake.

“Nyohoho…”

* * *

 


	5. New Home Arc • Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of New Home Arc.

**_~New Home Arc~_ **

**[Part 3]**

* * *

 

“That yours?” The old turtle, _Gerson_ asked as he showed the entrance of the bookstore.

Sans sighed with relief when saw Papyrus had managed to come to the bookstore by himself without any trouble and nodded.

“Huh… It’s been two years since I know you and I haven’t even seen your little brat even once.” Gerson continued.

“Must be because this is the first he has let me get out of school on my own without getting paranoid.” Papyrus replied.

“Heh…” Gerson laughed. “Don’ act too grumpy about it kiddo… you’re lucky. Really lucky. Some parents don’ even bother to keep their children aroun’.”

“I know…” Papyrus slowly said as he smiled at Sans.

“Well, see ya around, kids.” Sans didn’t say anything to fix that, because Gerson knew Sans was in his twenties by now. Sans guesses it’s the way the old turtle refers to people. “Oh by the way.” Gerson stopped in front of the entrance of the shop. “My house is open to both of you if you need anything.”

“What’s the sudden invitation?” Sans asked as he raised a brow.

“Heh. A lotta people might not know who you are but these old eyes know a monster when he hears a lot of rumors about you on the Waterfall and even Snowdin.” Sans sighed at that, he had hoped Gerson only thought he was a hunter. “Royal guards are pretty restless these days, there have been rumors going around about a rebellion, they might do something about hunters if you know what I mean.”

“I’ll… give you a visit if things go bad.” Sans promised.

Gerson gave nod and a short goodbye before he left.

“What did he mean by that?” Papyrus asked as he looked over books.

“What he meant is since our king has a lot of haters and he might take precautions.”

“I still don’t get it… Why do we have to run away to someplace else if we’re being hunted by royal guards?”

Sans shook his head. “It’s not like that. New Home is the only place that tyrant has control over. Places like Waterfall and Snowdin doesn’t listen to the king or even let royal guards patrol there, and that’s why those places are more dangerous than New Home.”

“Huh…” Papyrus hummed.

Sans got up and walked to the back door to tell his boss that his shift was over.

When he was going back home with Papyrus, Sans realized that the number of royal guards patrolling the streets has risen.

 

* * *

 

“Why won’t you let me wear black clothes?” Papyrus pouted.

“No kid of mine is going to become an edgy teenager.” Sans answered as he dusted the shelves.

“Even though everything you wear is black except your red shirt?”

“…” Sans look down at his clothes. Papyrus was right… he was wearing black jeans with black boots with a black leather jacket.  “It’s not as edgy as other monsters?” He tried to defend himself.

“Your jacket is reaching below your knees…”

To that Sans had nothing to say. “… And you think that’s admirable?”

“Nope!” Papyrus said with a smile.

Sans tried to ignore his wounded pride. “Then why are you complaining?

“I’m just annoyed that you’re taking away my choices, brother. I may have wanted to dress up like a medieval vampire, but I couldn’t have because you’re not allowing me to…” Sans would argue that he looked more like someone from a motorbike gang rather than a medieval vampire. Papyrus looked thoughtful for a moment.  “Even though I would appreciate you for not allowing me to do that, but I would be pretty _fangful_ if you gave me the choice to learn how to use magic.”

Sans stayed silent. If he acts like he doesn’t know what Papyrus is talking about maybe Papyrus would give up. He put the duster away and sat down on the couch besides Papyrus.

“Why do you want that?” Sans asked.

“Sans… you know why. I know New Home is ‘safe’ and all but don’t you think I should at least know how to defend myself?”

Sans shook his head. “Papyrus, I’ll protect you if something happens.”

“Sans…” Sans looked away from the disappointed look Papyrus was giving him.

He didn’t like to let Papyrus down but Sans didn’t want Papyrus to be like that… he couldn’t risk Papyrus fighting someone. What if something happened to him? Sans had the hp and all the stats he could spare for Papyrus, and as long as Sans was alive Papyrus wasn’t going to be forced to do something like that.

Papyrus wasn’t going to be this part of the world where ‘it’s kill or be killed.’ Sans would make sure of that.

 

* * *

 

Papyrus was acting weird.

Papyrus has been acting weird for a few days. But Sans had thought it was something minor since Papyrus didn’t talk to him about it.

But that thought quickly disappeared when Papyrus only ate half of his breakfast and stumbled when he tried to walk out of the kitchen.

“Pap?” Sans asked when Papyrus almost slammed into a wall when he tried to walk towards the couch. “Are you okay?”

“Why yes, brother.” Papyrus said as he literally threw himself on the couch, which is literally an answer to his question that he _isn’t_ okay. “Aren’t you leaving me to school? Or are you finally letting go of your overprotective shtick and let me go to school by myself? If that is the case I would recommend you _shtick_ to that plan.”

Sans quickly sat down beside him and carefully looked him over. “With the way you look my overprotective shtick might _shtick_ that way.” He said distastefully. He wasn’t too fond of puns.  He guesses it might have something to do with them reminding Sans about the way doctor looked at Dr. Alphys whenever she attempted to make a pun herself.

Sans sighed and decided to check Papyrus, even though he knows Papyrus doesn’t like that.

_*Papyrus._

_*Attack, 20. Defense, 20._

_*Likes to say: “Nyeh heh heh!”_

_*Even though he is too sick and tired to say it._

Sans gave Papyrus a look when he groaned at Sans’s check.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sans said as he got up and took the blanket on the couch’s arm.

“Because I’m perfectly fine and can go to school!” Papyrus protested as Sans put the blanket on him.

“Yeah you can, but you would collapse the half way.” Sans wonders if they had any medicine in their house… He doesn’t remember Papyrus getting sick. Papyrus had grown pretty healthy even though he had lived on the streets but he also survived Sans’s attempt at cooking for the first time, so his immune system must be pretty good.

Sans decides to just cook something healthy for Papyrus and decide if he needs medicine later, his sickness didn’t look that serious… he was just short on magic. But first he had to call his boss and tell him he can’t come to work.

“Sans! I’m fine! You don’t have to stay at home because of me…”

Sans ignores him as he made a quick phone call to his boss. The guy was pretty surprised since this was the first time Sans called in to say he wasn’t coming to work in two years. And he quickly makes a soup out of vegetables and gives himself time to think why would Papyrus lie to him and be calm about it before he comes back and sits beside Papyrus.

He was pouting. “I told you I’m fine…”

Sans rolled his eyes. “I might be dense at emotions but not that much.”

Papyrus looked alarmed at that. “I didn’t mean it like that, Sans.” Sans nodded. He knew that. “It must be one of those colds that spread in school.”

 “And I know that you’re lying.” Sans slowly said. “So will you tell me the truth before you get three strikes?”

“…” Papyrus looked away.

Sans sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so insistent on learning how to use magic... or how you managed to practice magic attacks without me noticing.” Which was impressive and scary at the same time… If Papyrus managed to practice magic without Sans noticing this means he has really high control over his magic, and this also means he must have high potential to be as strong as Sans one day.

Papyrus sighed and crossed his arms. “They taught magic in school Sans… unlike you, people in school actually knows what could happen outside.” Sans tried to not flinch at that.

“Papyrus, we already talked about this-“

“I know! I know you’ll protect me.” Papyrus cuts him off. “But Sans you can’t always be beside me. I need to learn these things… even if you aren’t going to teach me how to fight. At least let me learn this by myself.”

“… I just… Don’t want you to be part of that world.” Sans quietly said.

Papyrus gripped Sans’s hand. “I won’t be.” He reassured him. “I just want to be able to protect myself if something happens.”

Sans remembers what Alphys said about teenagers. She had said that they want to make their own decisions in life and that Sans should let him discover himself with trial and error. But it was hard for Sans to let him do that. He didn’t want Papyrus to get hurt… but Sans now knows that Papyrus wouldn’t listen to him like he would when he was under fourteen.

Sans sighed, thinking that was fair. “Fine, we can talk about this when you’re better, okay? And don’t overwork too much like this again.”

Papyrus tilted his head to the side. “How do you know that?”

“That’s the reason you got sick…”

“Oh…” Sans watches realization dawning on Papyrus. “That explains my head spinning yesterday… I thought it happened because I didn’t sleep.”

“ _Papyrus_.” Sans sighed. Wondering what else he missed about Papyrus. “I thought you were going to be a responsible soon-to-be seventeen year old?”

Papyrus nervously smiled at him. “I can… explain?”

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to buy a decent cake?” Sans asked as he looked at the ingredients on the counter.

“Nonsense! We always baked my birthday cake together, and we survived all of them.” Papyrus disagreed. “And your cooking is getting better so we might actually enjoy this one!”

Sans tries to ignore his shattered pride. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you…” He said in the end.

But Papyrus was right, through the years of doing chores Sans was actually getting used to them, even though he was a bit clumsy about some things. Particularly chores in the kitchen and laundry. Sometimes he broke plates and sometimes when he did laundry all of the white towels became pink but he managed.

Sans watches Papyrus stir the ingredients for the cake as he melted the chocolates. Papyrus was better at baking than Sans, unlike Sans he had managed to make a decent pastry the first time he baked. Sans was not jealous.

Sans tries to understand Papyrus wanting to take care of himself, Sans thinks as he looked at the melting chocolate bars. And he wants Papyrus to be comfortable with talking to Sans about these things but he still couldn’t help but worry. Papyrus keeps reassuring Sans that he wants to learn it if something ‘bad’ happens… Sans doesn’t want to think something like that happening to Papyrus and that’s why he would make sure Papyrus wouldn’t be put into a kill or be killed situation. He doesn’t want to think about Papyrus being killed or Papyrus killing.

“I think this is a new accomplishment, brother.” Papyrus said as he gestured the cake.

Sans smiled as his thoughts dissolved. “Must be because you did most of the baking.”

“Nyeheheh! Of course I’m great at baking, what were you expecting of your great brother?” Papyrus said proudly. Sans laughed.

They ate half of the cake like that in the living room, with the yellow lamp flickering, with their comfortable silence taking over the room. Sans looked around their little living room wondering if he could maintain this peaceful life before putting his empty plate on the brown coffee table.

Sans sighed before turning to Papyrus. “Hey…” Papyrus turned to him after hearing his tone. “Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?”

Papyrus slowly put his plate on the coffee table. “Are you talking about you scolding me for half an hour about my health to make up for all the times you couldn’t scold me?”

Sans smiled. “What should I have done? I don’t get a lot of chance to do that since you’re such a good kid.” How did he get so lucky? Sans wonders. “But you know what I’m talking about.”

“Oh no… Are you going to scold me for practicing magic, now?”

“Heh… even though that does sound enticing, I won’t.” Sans pat Papyrus’s shoulder. “I was going to say that you can ask me about magic without learning about it with making yourself sick.”

Sans doesn’t know how to feel about the way Papyrus’s eye lights lightening with hope. “Really?” Sans nodded. “Wowie… I thought I had to continue training in- I mean, thank you, I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

Sans tries to ignore Papyrus slipping up as he shook his head. “I’m not going to train you because nothing good would come out of it, but I can give you advice about how you should use it.”

“What? Why can’t you train me?”

Sans sighed. “Magic is how monsters express themselves and as monsters grow up, they learn to use magic or ‘express themselves’ like this by themselves or with the help of their parents. I can’t train you because I wasn’t given the choice to learn magic or express myself, therefore my magic or what the other monsters call ‘attack patterns’ are copied off of the monsters I fought when I was young.”

“Monsters can… copy other monsters magic?”

“No… they can’t.” Sans said as his hand twitched to reach up to his socket which had turned to purple from white. “You know that I’m not really normal when it comes to that.”

“Oh… yeah.” There was a clench in Papyrus’s jaw like he wanted to say something but was holding back. Sans doesn’t think he can talk about anything that was done to him comfortably like he had years ago. “So… what should I do?”

“Actually you’re doing fine.” Sans said, remembering that he hadn’t noticed Papyrus using magic at all. “Minus the overworking… And I’m fine with you training and I won’t prevent you from using magic as long as you’re not hurting yourself… or others.”

“But Sans-“

“ _Papyrus_.” Sans said sternly. “Promise me that you won’t use magic to hurt others.”

“But I…” Sans wouldn’t allow Papyrus to use magic if he refused, Papyrus can’t be like Sans. Sans refuses that. “Fine, brother… I’ll only use magic to defend myself and… _you_.” Sans hears something click in his skull.

Sans smiled. “Aww… you’re all grown up!” He watches with fondness as Papyrus face flushed red.

“I’ll do the dishes!” Papyrus got up and literally ran to the kitchen. Forgetting the dirty dishes he claimed he was going to wash on the coffee table.

 

* * *

 

For the next few months with Papyrus training magic use, it was actually… easy. Sans thought Papyrus wouldn’t be able to control it much since he was inexperienced, but Papyrus must have been training for a really long time to be familiar with his magic and to be able to make his own magic patterns. Sans wonders what he would do if Papyrus got stubborn about gaining LV, but Sans knows that Papyrus cared about other people’s lives. That’s why he tries to calm himself with reminding himself about Papyrus’s promise. At least Papyrus got better with handling his magic without any problem and he was fairly good with controlling it at his age... maybe in the privacy of his thoughts Sans would admit that he was tiny little bit impressed.

Sans sighed and clutched his grocery bags tighter when he saw four royal guards patrolling the same street. He didn’t know when this fragile unbalanced peace in New Home would crash down, or the ‘normal’ life he had managed to get for Papyrus.

Sans made sure to save a lot of gold and he might consider Gerson’s offer until he finds a new place for Papyrus and himself, if they ended up on the streets again.

“Sans?” When he turns around, he didn’t expect to come face to face with Catty and Bratty.

“It’s been _years_!” Catty exclaimed as she walked up to him with a relieved expression.

“…” Bratty looked a bit flustered.

“Yeah… it has been.” Sans quietly said, not knowing what to say to them.

“How are you two? Where is Papyrus?” Catty quickly asked.

“We’re fine. And Papyrus is in school, now.”

“I see…”

They stayed silent in the middle of the sidewalk like that, there was awkwardness and shame floating around. Their last interaction wasn’t too… great. Sans always regretted leaving Catty and Bratty in a fit of anger but he thinks he and Papyrus would still end up on the streets even if they did stayed with them.

Gaster hadn’t sent anyone after them. Gaster didn’t even show up in their lives for once after Sans left. So he doesn’t know if he should still be alert after all these years, he was still wary around the guards because of his high LV, but Sans thinks he shouldn’t be worried about them recognizing him. Sans thought, the doctor would try to capture him in some other ways but… nothing had happened, the doctor had just let him go.

Maybe Gaster didn’t need him since he was a ‘failed experiment’.

Sans frowned, he still wasn’t convinced. And the longer he thought about his situation and the royal guards and the king, the more he got paranoid walking around in New Home.

“Sans…” Bratty finally said. “About the last time we, uh… want to apologize for that.”

What was the subject again? Oh right… “You don’t need to.” Sans shook his head. “You were… right.” He admitted.

“Sans… we really didn’t mean to-“

“No, really.” Sans cut Catty off. “My LV is… maxed. You two were justified about wanting me out or having assumptions about how a child would live with me…” He still remembers the first time he had worked for Charles. How easy it had been to kill again, how he felt nothing but convenience.

And the more he remembers the more he feels his soul crushing from _regret_.

Bratty shook her head. “No we weren’t… we shouldn’t have kicked you two out. You two lived with us for weeks and we got to know you much better before that guy came in and started to babble some shit about you, even if what he says is true, we knew what kind of person you were… and we shouldn’t have kicked you out. And we’re sorry for it.”

Sans looked at her for a moment. He wanted to say that she was wrong and that she was right about him and that he really was dangerous, that he was a murderer, who didn’t hesitate to kill again after running away from all of that.

But all he did was nod and accept their apology.

He wonders if they talked with Alphys… he wonders what she was doing or if she was fine.

In the end their encounter was cut short since he had to bring the groceries home and he had to pick up Papyrus from school that day because he was paranoid about the guards patrolling the streets.

 

* * *

 

Sans’s phone had rang when he was mopping the floor, wondering what he should cook for dinner. “Hello, Am I speaking with Papyrus’s… guardian?”

Sans frowned. “Yes?”

“I’m calling from his school. There’s been… an incident.”

“What happened?” He quickly asked, wondering why the person on the other side was so… withdrawn.

“He attacked a royal guard.”

Sans froze.

… What? But… Papyrus had said he wouldn’t use magic, did someone do something to him? Was Papyrus okay?

“I’m coming.” He said with a blank tone and closed the phone without even thinking.

He quickly got out of the house and locked the door before heading towards the school. His palms were sweating with anxiety, wondering what he would do if he was too late… wondering what he would do if he came across a dust when he reached the school.

He doesn’t want to imagine any of this.

He paused in front of the school and carefully eyed the guards before shaking his head and going in, he couldn’t worry about getting recognized when he wasn’t sure if Papyrus was okay or not.

Luckily when he went inside the principal’s office, he saw Papyrus who was sitting on one of the chairs with his head tilted down. He averted his eye lights when he saw Sans in shame.

The principal gave a condensing look at Sans, which makes him frown. “So… you’re his guardian?” Sans feels her check run through his bones.

“I’m in my twenties.” Sans carefully answered. What had happened?

“Oh, really?” She looked surprised for a moment before making a dismissive gesture. “Whatever. As I said on the phone… Papyrus has attacked one of our guards.”

Sans looked at Papyrus who wasn’t looking at him. “… Why did he do that?”

“Does it matter why? The only important thing here is that he attacked an official guard who was sent here by the _king_. Do you know what this means?”

“Yes, I can guess what this ‘means’.” Sans answered with an annoyed tone. “But you got something wrong here… my kid wouldn’t attack anyone without any reason, so this means something must have happened for him the act this way.”

She frowned. “Look, I know he must have his own handful of ‘reasons’.” Sans doesn’t like her tone. “But this doesn’t change the fact that he attacked a guard and this has severe-“

“And I’m telling you, I should at least know why he attacked them so we can reach a compromise.”

“A royal guard is one of the most important figures in New Home. This means you _cannot_ attack, insult or even look at them the wrong way. Even if he is justified, he can’t do that. I didn’t call you here to have a conversation about his behavior, I called here to inform you that he will be punished pretty severe-“

“ **Bullshit.** ” Papyrus raised his head in shock to look at Sans, as if to confirm what he just said. “If my kid was defending himself in any way, you can’t ‘punish’ him. Who do you think you people are?”

“I’m getting really tired of this…” The principal sighed. “You can’t just attack a guard in any way and expect them to listen to you.”

Sans kind of guessed this would happen from the start of this conversation but he still thought he could somehow reach a compromise… but if that guard was sent by the king himself then… Sans’s hands were tied, and why did Papyrus attacked him anyway?

 _A royal guard sent by the king_ … What have they done to cause Papyrus to attack them? What could they possibly-

Sans shook his head, the reason didn’t matter just like the principal said. Sans needed to take action before it was too late.

Sans gestured Papyrus to stand up.

“Where are you two going?”

Sans held Papyrus by his arms and started running out of the office as the principal yelled behind them.

He didn’t need to hear any of the things the monster was going to say to them because he knew what would happen if someone attacked a royal guard. And if that royal guard was someone who was sent by the king himself… Sans didn’t want to think about what would happen to Papyrus if he was taken away.

He needed to leave New Home. _Now_.

“Sans, what are you-“ Papyrus yelled as he tried to struggle his arm free from Sans’s grip.

Sans tightened his grip and continued to run towards their house as he ignored Papyrus’s protests.

He unlocked their door and pulled it open before releasing Papyrus.

“Sans, what are you doing?” Papyrus was finally looking at him.

“Pack up. **Now**.” Papyrus flinched at his tone but nodded nonetheless before going to his room.

Sans took a deep breath before going around the house to take supplies with them, he had saved enough gold so he hoped they wouldn’t en up on the streets again. He didn’t know how bad the life outside the New Home was, how a life without royal guards patrolling the streets was, how monsters without any consequences for their actions would do but he had no choice. They needed to leave before royal guards came at their door.

After making sure they were packed up, Sans slammed the door behind them and ignored Papyrus’s attempts to talk. He didn’t have time for that.

He carefully walked through the streets, making sure none of the royal guards were after them. Sans wasn’t sure if they were given any orders about catching a skeleton when the incident must’ve happened an hour ago, but he still choose to walk through the backstreets where royal guards didn’t bother to patrol.

When he was finally out of the New Home with them facing the familiar thick air of Hotland he took a deep breath and slowed his steps.

The fastest way to get out of Hotland would be from the lab but Sans had enough sense to avoid that place and decided to take the elevator.

“We’re safe… for now.” He finally said. “Are you going to explain?”

“…” Papyrus looked away. After all of his tries to talk to Sans, he seemed quiet now.

“Kid.” Sans doesn’t know what to say, he never had to deal with this kind of thing. “I know you wouldn’t just attack someone out of nowhere, especially one of the tyrant’s people.”

Papyrus shook his head. “I’m so stupid…”

Sans raised a brow. “Did they do something to you?”

“I don’t know what came over me… I was sure I wouldn’t do something stupid no matter how much they pushed me.”

 _Pushed him?_ Sans frowned, he feels like Papyrus wasn’t just talking about the royal guard. Why didn’t he notice? Papyrus didn’t like going to school, Papyrus wanted to learn how to use magic even though he was fine not learning about it when he was young.

Sans feels like hitting himself on the head.

“No… You just protected yourself.” Sans stopped walking. “I’m sorry I haven’t noticed anything…”

“You don’t have to apologize Sans. I lied to you.” Papyrus replied as he looked down. “And you had so much on your plate… Aren’t you mad that we had to leave?”

“Not really…” Sans huffed. “This was going to happen sooner or later anyway. I’m just worried about them sending someone after you.”

“I don’t think it’s that serious. I just snapped at the wrong person.” Papyrus frowned. “What are we going to do?” He ignores Papyrus not telling him what happened. Sans trust Papyrus that he would talk to him when he was ready, just like how Papyrus trusted Sans to talk about his days on the lab when he was ready.

“I guess we’ll go to Waterfall for now. Gerson said we were welcome after all… we can figure something out once we’re there.” They started to walk again. “But…”

“It’s dangerous?”

“Yes… royal guards aren’t allowed there… or anything about the king.”

“Which means?”

“People do whatever they want. Nobody would do shit if you were attacked or not.” Papyrus gave him a weird look again. “What is it?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse before.” That’s the part Papyrus cared about? But he was right… The doctor made sure Sans had proper manners when he ‘ _raised_ ’ him. One less thing the doctor engraved on him.

Sans chuckled as they reached the elevator.

Sans was surprised how easy they had ran away from New Home. Maybe it wasn’t that serious? Oh well, like he said this was bound to happen.

When they reached in front of the lab, he looks ahead of them, to the dark caverns of Waterfall and back, to the white, dirty lab that smelled like dust. He wonders what the doctor would do if he came back. The doctor probably had prepared something to capture him if he ever came back.

Sans scoffed at the thought and started to walk towards Waterfall with Papyrus beside him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be as you can guess, the Waterfall Arc with a new perspective!


	6. Waterfall Arc • Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. But here it is nonetheless.  
> And I will WARN you for heavy themes such as depression and suicide. This isn't a happy story.

**_~Waterfall Arc~_ **

**[Part 1]**

* * *

 

Alphys thinks there is something wrong with her.

The first time this thought occurred to her was when she had met with a ghost who had interest in humans just like Alphys.

She had problem meeting with the ghost’s eyes who was talking to her cheerfully. She didn’t know why it was so difficult to manage eye contact but every time she had tried to meet with his eyes, she had to look away like her eyes had been stung. She tries to ignore it.

The ghost had dreams about becoming a ‘star’. Alphys didn’t know if he even had a chance to be a star in this hell hole, but she couldn’t help but admire his dreams.

She normally tried to keep a distance with other monsters, but… she wanted to see him again.

His cheerful presence was a pleasant change to Alphys’s routine filled with other monsters screaming in pain that makes her question why she chose this job for herself.

The question had a simple answer.

So she could get away from her home, from her family.

Alphys liked to think that she was actually lucky. She was born to a family who was well-off financially. Her father was a high-ranked royal guard. Her mother choose to send her to a really good school and made sure she got a good education, which led Alphys to study science and medicine.

But what she ran away from wasn’t her life. She wanted be away from her family. From the screams, from the lies her father told, the way her father changed, how his loving smiles turned fake the more he gained LV.

One day when they were sitting beside each other in haunting silence, his father who was smelling like alcohol had asked her a question. “Do you know what’s the biggest lie, Alphys?” He had asked. She had shook her head, wondering what he would say. “Family.” Alphys had put her book down and looked at him. “Don’t let anyone see who you really are in this world, my daughter. If people learn who you really are, they would try to use you for their own benefits, no one would love you. Love is a lie. So tell me… what will you do to make people love you?”

Alphys while gripping the edge of her book, answered with a raw, shaky voice. “I’ll lie.” Her father was already asleep, he didn’t hear what she had said.

That day Alphys had realized she didn’t recognize her father anymore.

And eventually her mother couldn’t take this anymore. Alphys wondered what pushed her mother over the edge, what lie, which insult, which bitter truth she heard from her father’s drunk mouth made her mother feel like there was no tomorrow, no hope for her to live. That made her close her eyes and never open them ever again.

When Alphys was spreading her mother dust on one of the echo flowers her father had brought home when he still loved them, when her mother was full of life, her eyes met with her father, and he had given the dusty flower a short look before carelessly shrugging and leaving the house without a word.

Alphys had waited her tears to come when she was looking at the dusty flower but all she felt was an empty suffocating ache with a feeling she couldn’t describe that pounded in her soul. She wonders if she even knew her mother to grieve after her, wonders if her mother even told her that she loved Alphys. All Alphys could feel was shame; she didn’t even consider talking with her mother, ask if she was okay, if she had any problems, that she should ignore her father’s words and not take it to heart like Alphys, that the one talking wasn’t her father but the LV he gained. But it was too late, it was too late and Alphys couldn’t stop the pain spreading through her body. And she couldn’t even cry.

She was just a fourteen year old teenager who liked science and watched silly cartoons who hoped to work in the lab one day when she decided that she couldn’t take this anymore.

Nothing was wrong, she didn’t even encounter her father whenever she was at home and not in school. But she couldn’t take it anymore, she couldn’t take the lonely suffocation she felt whenever she was in that house, she couldn’t take the shame she felt whenever she saw that echo flower.

That dawn, before any monster in New Home was allowed to leave their house, Alphys had packed up and left without looking back.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew what she was getting into the moment she left New Home. She knew that it would be hard to survive out there, that she would have to face hell, that she would have to fight for her life and that she would realize her father’s words were true. But she didn’t care, that was better than facing with that home, with that flower.

She almost starved, she had to dust monsters to survive but it was okay. She managed, she was still alive. Nothing had changed, she still felt that suffocation wherever she went, that echo flower she saw all over Waterfall never failed to remind her that feeling she still couldn’t describe.

One day, when she was rummaging through the garbage dump, she met two girls on her age. Their names were Catty and Bratty. At first they she was suspicious of them but then the loneliness she felt got the best of her and she started to hang around them. They helped each other, they worked together. Alphys was still doubtful of other monsters, her father’s words still echoed around her.

Then she met Dr. Gaster.

He was going around the garbage dump mumbling incomprehensible words to himself as he looked through the ruined electronics. She didn’t know what led her to get closer to him and listen what he was mumbling about.

“Unbelievable! Even the most ridiculous things fall down here but not _that_ …”

Alphys didn’t know what led her to talk to this weird guy. “What are you looking for?”

The guy in question had flinched at her voice before turning around and realizing that it was just a teenager who must be around fifteen years old. He sighed and crossed his arms. “I doubt you know what I’m looking for but I can give you a little description of what it looks like.” Alphys frowned at his condensing behavior. “It’s a little device that shocks people when you press its button.”

“You mean a taser?” Alphys asked as she looked through her inventory.

“Yes, but I doubt that you even-“ He stopped talking when he saw what Alphys pulled out from her inventory. “How did you find that? I have been looking around here for weeks.”

Alphys shrugged. “I made it myself.”

“You’ve… made it yourself?”

Alphys nodded, wondering why he looked so impressed. “I just needed a transformer to create a very high voltage, and for that I used a car ignition coil. And then I’ve made a simple circuit and attached it to the primary on the transformer, and I’ve used 12-volt battery as the source. After that I’ve glued nails on top it for it to look more like a taser.”

“That’s really… impressive.”

She shrugged. “I was just interested in these things.”

“Say… are you interested in chemistry or biology?”

“I guess, I am?” She as she frowned. Where was he going with this?

“Then would you like to work in a lab?”

“…What?”

“You’ve heard me, I needed an assistant for a long time, but I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to work in a lab.”

“You’re the… royal scientist?”

“Yes.” Alphys looked at him with shock, the royal scientist wanted her to be his assistant? “So, what do you say about my offer?”

In a normal world, this would be an offer no one would turn away from, but in this kind of world, this offer is sketchy, especially if the royal scientist is desperate enough to ask a homeless girl to be his assistant.

Of course, she would have a roof over her head, she wouldn’t have to be fearing for her life every day in the lab. But this was the royal scientist working for the king… she has heard rumors about W.D Gaster. How monsters went missing from the streets, how the fallen monsters dusts never returned, or drug activities involving his name in same way.

In the end positives won over the negatives she naively thought little of and she started work under Dr. Gaster as his assistant.

She had naively thought working in the lab was better than getting dust on her hands to survive.

After two months she started work for him where the doctor tested her knowledge he deemed her safe to involve her in his secret project.

He talked about substances that was similar to magic he had extracted from the human souls along with another substance called ‘determination’ and his gruesome experiments started when he wondered about that substance’s effects on monsters.

At first he tested them on fallen monsters soul. They shattered under the pressure of the determination even though it was a very little amount. When she asked doctor why he didn’t just injected it to their bodies, the doctor said it would have various negative side effects, so she stopped asking.

And then he wondered if he could create a soul that can contain determination.

That’s when the doctor started to create souls with his own magic and injected them with determination. The souls would shatter just like they did in any monster until… Sans.

She didn’t know herself why the soul didn’t shatter just like the others. But they had succeeded.

The first thing the doctor tried was presenting the soul to the king and ask him to try to absorb the soul since if the experiment worked this soul would be the seventh one. It didn’t work. Even though the soul contained determination, it didn’t work like human souls.

So they had no choice but to wait for the soul to grow up and materialize a body for themselves. And they continued to test determination on various monsters with other chemicals and substances to see if it worked. Alphys was fine with using fallen monsters as subjects even though it sounded horrible.

Then the soul grew up… she still remembers the look on doctors face when he saw the soul had grown up to be a _skeleton_.

All of the check-ups and inspections on the monsters body and soul showed that he was a normal monster with little amount of determination on his soul. Dr. Gaster said he was a being with an artificial soul. Alphys wonders if this was his way to deny the skeleton being related to him.

Then the doctor wondered how this… _thing_ was different from other monsters, wondered if he could handle more determination or the substance they got from the humans souls, they found out later that worked similar to magic would work differently on him.

And from that point on everything went to hell.

The doctor did every possible _torture_ on him in the name of science. First Gaster tried to inject him with more determination through his eye socket which worked randomly. Alphys didn’t understand why the determination injections worked randomly. All she knew was they couldn’t inject him with it on normal conditions… It only worked when his hp was low, Alphys theorizes but even in those cases it worked randomly. And when determination worked, it healed every scar without leaving anything behind. Alphys doesn’t understand why being injected with too many determination didn’t leave any side-effects on him.

From Alphys’s observations, Sans was more durable and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the injections or the tortures, and his stats got higher with more determination they managed to inject which gave another idea to doctor. He wondered how LV would affect him.

In the end the doctor stopped the injections and focused on making the child gain LV. They discovered that by injecting the other substance on the child from his other socket, they had managed to make him use various kinds of magic. He was durable, he was strong so the doctor decided that Sans would be the perfect weapon for… _various tasks_ for the king. Monsters would start to discover and prepare their own magic patterns when they’re as young as twelve. This child was much younger when he started to gain LV and that didn’t stop the side-effect from arising. Loss of emotions, loss of pain… Alphys wasn’t sad when Sans lost them. That meant he no longer felt pain when he was…

Alphy still couldn’t get the picture of him laying on that table, with various tubes injecting him with poisons. Alphys still doesn’t know how he survived.

His LV got higher, so high that Alphys was starting to be afraid that he would become love drunk. But that never happened.

At first Alphys couldn’t understand why he didn’t, but then she would put the pieces together.

His soul.

The doctor was playing with his soul since the day he was born. That’s why he couldn’t grow up like a normal monster. That’s why side-effects didn’t showed up on him. If he had lost his personality and locked away his emotions from the start, he would have no personality or emotion to lose. If he had repressed his memories because of the long-term trauma he had in the lab, then he would have no memories to forget.

How ironic… the very thing that ruined him was the thing that saved him from losing himself completely.

In the end the doctor decided that Sans was better of working in the lab because the king was pleased about him doing his dirty work.

The doctor had started to experiment once again. And once again they had to work on shattering souls while the doctor started another experiment from the information he gathered from Sans. Alphys didn’t know the secret project the doctor worked on, he still hasn’t told her what it was about. He just ordered her what to do.

And after a year of working, they managed to keep one soul alive without it shattering, and Alphys finally realized how determination worked.

Determination injections that worked on Sans at random moments… they weren’t random.

Determination only worked properly when he was about to _dust_ , just like the soul that managed to not shatter, the soul was about to shatter not because of determination but because of the lack of magic. The doctor was distracted from all of the failed samples that he didn’t put enough magic to create the soul and because of that the soul was about to shatter, and when they injected determination on it when it was about to shatter or in other words _die_ , that’s when the determination comes in.

Alphys thinks about all the experiment the doctor would do to this young child… and she had looked at the doctor while a feeling of dread filled her soul to realize that he was looking at the soul puzzled.

He didn’t realize what happened and he was mumbling questions under his breath.

Alphys had took a deep breath before making a decision. If the doctor realized what happened… she didn’t want to think what he would do. She didn’t want to live through that again. She didn’t want to see another child on that table. She didn’t want to bring them blankets or inject them painkillers from her guilt.

So she didn’t do anything, didn’t point out anything. She stayed quiet, like always. She was good at that.

Fortunately for her, doctor never found out why determination worked randomly on Sans, and even though he tried to inject Papyrus with it many times, the conditions were better and therefore it didn’t work.

And one day doctor said that he was ending the experiment just like that.

Alphys wasn’t stupid. She knew there was something under that, but she was just glad that she didn’t have to go through that again. At least she had saved one life along with the hundred ones she ruined.

Sometimes she saw all of them in her dreams, sometimes their screams haunt her. She tries to justify herself by saying that she has no choice and that this place would be best thing she could have.

Even though it costs her to leave behind dusts of other monsters. She tries to not think about those things.

Papyrus grew up fast just like Sans. She wonders if it is a skeleton thing, Sans too had grown up and was a ten year old even though he had gotten out the tube three months ago when they had first started the experiment. Alphys was still astonished about the fact that she and Sans were the same age now. A scientific miracle no one could explain. The doctor was acting like it was normal so she assumes it is indeed a skeleton thing.

Months past, Sans and Papyrus got to know each other and eventually Sans managed find himself again. The relief she felt must’ve been because of her guilt. And eventually they left.

 _Good_ , she think. Anywhere that isn’t beside that asshole who calls himself a doctor was better for them. Sure, it was a little lonely and sure, Alphys was frowning and snapping more but it’s okay, she would manage.

The doctor’s reaction… was calmer than she expected and Alphys was feeling anxious. He should be relieved that he got rid of failed experiments… Alphys thinks to calm herself down but… the situation at hand said something was wrong, but what?

Royal guards came to the lab after two days later Sans had left. Alphys was sure that doctor was going to report Sans, and she hoped that he found Catty and Bratty. But the doctor simply said that his experiment had failed and Sans had caused problems so he had to get rid of him.

Alarms bells started to ring on Alphys’s head. Why would the doctor let them go just like that? This is really suspicious. But she had nothing to do except hope them to be safe.

And just like that days… months, even years passed with Alphys doing experiments she had no idea of. The doctor refused to tell her what their goal was and all she had to do was what the doctor said.

They did more experiment on monsters, Alphys figured out that the doctor was working on some sort of drug. The doctor started to do experiments on live monsters, and Alphys had to gulp her sickening down, and put on her cold mask.

Her dreams became more violent and dusty to the point that she couldn’t sleep anymore. That was okay… she had too much work to do anyway.

Sometimes she couldn’t keep her composure, when the monsters cried out after the needle drove in. And she had to step out of the room to calm herself down, that was okay… all she had to do was not look at them.

It’s okay, she would manage.

 

* * *

 

The first time they had met was when she was rummaging through the garbage dump. She felt tired even though she had arrived there five minutes ago.

After two more minutes of looking around with an aching body she had sat down. These days her body ached all over and it was hard to get up. The doctor had complained about her sleeping in too much these days. It was getting tiring to keep her cold expression and dealing with all those works that Alphys had no time to just relax for a moment. And now that she was finally in one of the most familiar place in her life she sighed and let her mask drop for a moment, letting the tiredness take over. It didn’t make her feel any better.

She looked down at the abyss with the feeling she still couldn’t describe with these thoughts.

She stood up with alarm when she heard a footstep approaching her.

“Who are you?” She snapped. She wasn’t in a mood to fight.

“Woah there, tiger… though you look like a lizard.” A woman that was around Alphys’s age stepped out of the shadows. She was wearing a black cloak and her hoodie was pulled up so Alphys couldn’t see her face.

“What do you want?” Alphys said with an annoyed tone as she crossed her arms.

“Just wanted ask a fellow monster about the weather.” She shrugged.

Alphys stopped and just looked at her for a moment. “Are you serious?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you an idiot?!” She snapped. “There is no fucking weather in the underground! How stupid are you?”

“Gee… It was just an _inside_ joke, you don’t need to get butthurt that bad.”

“Well it wasn’t _funny_.” Alphys answered as she walked past her. “The fact that you think you’re funny is insulting.”

She huffed in a light-hearted manner that made Alphys stop walking and turn around to look at her. Most monsters would be annoyed enough to leave her alone. “Well sorry for trying to lighten up the mood here.” She removed her hoodie, revealing her red and blue fins and her red long ponytail, particularly the eye patch on her left eye caught Alphys’s attention. “Name’s Undyne, by the way.”

Alphys turned around and kept walking. “Okay _Undyne_ it’s nice to leave you now.” She replied with an annoyed tone.

“Pfft…” Undyne laughed and Alphys doesn’t know what to do about her soul jumping when Undyne doesn’t scoff like the other monsters would. “’kay, grumpy lizard lady. You can always come back later if you want to hear my insults.”

Alphys flipped her off as she kept walking.

If Undyne was going to be around here, there was no way Alphys would come back to garbage dump.

 

* * *

 

She would avoid going back to the garbage dump, she told herself.

Undyne is sketchy, she told herself.

“Curse my fangirl tendencies…” Alphys mumbled under her breath as she looked around for any DVD’s or manga’s.

She had a fair amount of anime and manga collections but after watching or reading them for the nth time, it does get boring to watch or read them all over again, no matter how much Alphys liked them. But she wasn’t seeing any signs of DVD’s or even normal books.

Alphys sighed as she finally gave up and started to head back with slow movements, her body was hard to carry for some reason.

“Changed your mind about the insults?” Alphys turned around to see Undyne who was sitting down on the wooden plank, if she was suddenly shoved from behind, she would join the endless abyss along with other garbage. But the dangerous magic around Undyne says doing that wouldn’t be as easy as one could think.

Alphys rolled her eyes. She had hoped she wouldn’t see Undyne again since their shared interaction was a month ago.

“What do you want?” She snapped. She had no time to deal with her, she hadn’t slept for four days. She didn’t know why insomnia creeps into her head every time she lays down, but she feels like she wouldn’t be able to get herself to get up if she closes her eyes.

“Still grumpy, huh?” Undyne said calmly. “Hey, so… you seem smart.” She gestured the lab coat Alphys was wearing… Alphys frowned, she thought she took it off before she went outside. She must’ve forgot. “I found this weird cartoon with big eyed characters speaking in a foreign language the other day, so I was wondering if you would know anything about it.”

“What?”

“It was really weird too, it was a story about a robot princess running away from her planet to find her true love.” That… sounded familiar. Almost like that one anime she could never found the DVD of the second season.

Alphys thinks she would attack Undyne to just get the second season of that anime because she wanted it that bad, but right now all she did was shrugging without any care. “Is this your first time seeing an anime?”

“That’s what it’s called?”

“I have its first season. It was about a robot princess trying to find her true love in her own planet.”

Undyne laughed. “Really? I would like to see that.”

“You… do?” Alphys frowned. She had always thought other monsters would find anime’s ridiculous.

“Yeah, it was really funny. I don’t remember laughing like that in years.” Alphys too doesn’t remember the last time she laughed or even smiled and meant it.

“I can give you the first season?” Alphys doesn’t know what came over her, she was just thinking that Undyne is sketchy. Who the heck would casually have a conversation with a monster they just met? And the magic that was radiating around Undyne was implicating that she had high LV.

“You would?”

Alphys nodded. She had lost interest of that anime anyway.

Undyne might act sketchy but Alphys doesn’t feel like she has to be cautious around her even though Undyne’s LV might be more than ten.

Oh well, she had nothing to lose with talking with her, did she?

 

* * *

 

For all the things Alphys thought about Undyne, she was a good distraction.

Alphys never really listened to what she was saying but focusing to the sound of her voice while sitting beside her was something good for Alphys that distracted her from thinking about the things that was happening in the lab. Undyne was a good distraction besides her anime’s.

Alphys wonders the exact moment where little things like this changed.

She remembers she used to watch anime’s because she enjoyed them rather than using them to distract herself from the buzzing thoughts.

She remembers she actually enjoyed science before seeing hauntingly empty sockets.

She wonders the exact moment where she was just tired of acting cold. She wanted to do so many things; she wanted to yell at Dr. Gaster, she wanted to find Sans and beg him for forgiveness, she wanted to scream and cry whenever a monster died in the labs under the doctors careless gaze. And under all of those she just wanted to lay in her bed and not get up.

The emotions running through her body like an ache that wouldn’t go away was so tiring, was so heavy that she doesn’t even know if she closes her eyes, if she could open them ever again.

She stares into the darkness that reminds her about the abyss that swallows all of the thrash falling from the waterfall and an emotion runs through her body that she can’t name.

She thinks about the echo flower that was covered in dust in a house she tried to run away from but it seems like wherever she runs she couldn’t get the image or the suffocation out of her head.

And suddenly the suffocation, the tiredness, the memory, the echo flower becomes too much, too much that she can’t find the energy to take a deep breath, too much that she just wants them to _stop_.

Too much that she yearns for the darkness.

Suddenly… she finally understands.

The emotion she couldn’t name every time she remembered that echo flower shapes into a clarity. The emotions gains a name: _envy_.

It would be so easy. To close her eyes and never wake up… it would be so easy to never deal with the emotions or the monsters that were still screaming in agony.

Hasn’t she fought this enough? She was fighting with this suffocation long enough? Isn’t it fair that she just wants a break?

She was tired… tired of waking up and feeling hopelessness and dread, to fight in a little cage she could never get out from, to fight for her life nobody cared about.

Now that the hidden thoughts were finally creeping out of the shadows, she couldn’t stop them from taking over her thoughts, and the more she thought about it the more it made sense.

She thinks about the hauntingly dark sockets and wonders if that’s how he felt every day and makes a decision.

This was for the best after all of the things she had done.

 

* * *

 

She looks down at the endless abyss.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed since she came here. Her aching legs said she must’ve been standing here for a long time, the darkness that swallowed hundreds of trash inviting her in.

All she had to do was to take one step forward with a courage she never had.

She has been a coward her entire life. The only thing with courage she had was running it seems: She ran away from home, she ran away from her father and she was going to run away from life.

All she has to do is take one step forward. And it would be all over, maybe she would be okay again if she could just-

“Where do you think this abyss leads to?”

Alphys looked up with shock to see Undyne standing beside her with a calm expression.

For a moment they just stared at each other.

Alphys sees a glint of recognition in Undyne’s eye and something clicks in her head. All those times Undyne talked to her, all those times where Alphys thought she was up to something…

Does this really matter when she was about to jump off?

It did, actually. Alphys feels subtle magic radiating around Undyne, if she attempted to jump off, she feels like Undyne would stop her.

 _Why?_ Alphys thought bitterly. She had made her decision, she just wanted to feel normal again and only way for that was…-

“Can I tell you a story about a fish?” Undyne continued, she seemed unbothered by Alphys’s lack of response. “The story happens when that fish is really little, around five or something. This fish at the start of this story was normal. Her family wasn’t like the parents she heard about: they cared about her and did their best to protect her. She was happy until one day, without any warning, her mother ‘fallen down’. She didn’t know why, she had never seen her mother unhappy or even bothered, she couldn’t understand what happened or even pinpoint the little signs her mother showed until she got older. It was little things. Sometimes her smiles would falter, sometimes she had hard time waking up and sometimes she had bags under her eyes but it was too late to notice and therefore there was nothing to do.”

Undyne… knew from the start, didn’t she?

Alphys gulped, she felt dizzy and she was _tired_. And for a moment she realized that this was the first time she had listened to Undyne for real.

She didn’t know what Undyne was trying to tell her.

“Do you know what I’ve would’ve told her if I noticed any of this and was more educated about this?” Undyne continued, probably guessing what Alphys was thinking. “I know I’m not some doctor or even someone who could be reliable for this kind of thing but… I’m here.”

They both knew that was a lie. This is what Undyne was saying to _Alphys_ and she was right. To Alphys she was just a stranger, someone unreliable, but she was here… and she was offering to lend a shoulder.

_(“If people learn who you really are, they would try to use you for their own benefits, no one would love you.”)_

Her father’s voice still echoes in her head, Alphys always thought he was right from the moment she saw what the underground was really like.

But for the first time in a really long time… she _hoped_ he was wrong. That there would be at least someone who would prove him wrong after seeing Alphyhs without a mask.

They stared at each other for a moment, before Alphys slowly sat down with Undyne cautiously following her steps. “No o-one really knows w-where th-… this abyss r-really leads to…” She started as Undyne looked at her confused before realizing what was going on. “B-but I have a fe-… few theories.”

With a quivering voice she holds on.

 

* * *

 

Alphys looked down at her tea cup. Her eyes without any bags stared back and she wondered why she was hesitating to drink the tea Undyne served her. Even if that was the case killing her with poison would be too much of an effort.

Alphys shook her head. It was just her anxiety talking and she shrugged it off and looked at Undyne, who was sitting across the table. Alphys had something else she was wondering.

“Where were you?” She tried to sound calm and careless but she sees the guilt in Undyne’s expression, she distantly wonders if it was because her mask was cracking or Undyne got to know her better to read her emotions. The second thought was… scary and for some reason… warm.

“Yeah, sorry about that… I just had something to do.” Undyne looked away.

Alphys drank her tea with a cold demeanor. “Then would you care to explain what that ‘something’ was that caused you to disappear for two weeks?”

“I was going to, but…” Alphys tilted her head to the side as if to ask ‘but?’ “It’s a long story.”

That excuse was pretty lame… and insulting after Undyne saw Alphys binge watch one piece in one week. Alphys doesn’t bother to say anything to that, she wanted Undyne to explain without any adjournments.

Undyne sighed. “Do you remember the story I told you in the garbage dump?” Undyne had told Alphys a lot of stories after the… _first one_. But they both knew which one she was talking about, that story was the only one where Undyne talked about herself and wasn’t filled with bullshit. “I’ve never told you what happened after that…”

Alphys slowly looks down when she feels her hands burning, she was holding the teacup too tight. She slowly lets go and wonders if the similarity she had with Undyne about families wasn’t just the mothers.

“After what happened… my father was blinded by rage. I can’t blame him, his wife had just died and he was so angry… angry at the underground, angry at the monsters that thought living like this was normal and… angry at the monster who caused this. He took his anger out on other monsters, he gained LV and he started to hang out with ‘weird people’.” Alphys frowned, knowing where this was going. “And without even knowing he had become the leader of a rebellion group. Do you remember an incident where people broke into the king’s castle?” Alphys slowly nodded. Undyne gave a little laugh. “A week after that royal guards broke down the door and my father was dusted in a blink of an eye.” Alphys held her breath and Undyne gave her an apologetic smile which makes her soul thump in a painful manner. “For some reason guards refused to kill a child and I was left on the streets, I killed, gained LV and I swore myself one thing.” Alphys sees a flicker of something in Undyne’s smile. “I swore to finish what my father started and kill that tyrant with my own hands.”

Alphys gulped and had to pinch her arm to stop herself from shaking and frowned. _There it is_ , she thought. A burning screaming anger that was turned into a cold, _patient_ anger that seeks revenge.

Alphys slowly grips the teacup. It had gotten cold enough for her to touch. “Are you planning to… gather a group to kill the king?”

Undyne slowly nodded. “I’m trying persuade some hunters to join, that’s why I wasn’t around for weeks. I was looking for someone.”

Alphys raises her cup to take a sip. That was… a lot information to take in. “Who were you looking for?”

“There are a lot of rumors going on about him so I’m sure you know him.” Alphys takes a sip of the golden flower tea. “Other monsters call him ‘red demon’.”

Alphys starts coughing violently and Undyne was beside her in a second, patting her back with a worried look.

“w-what do you w-want fr-… from him?”

Undyne gave her a gentle look, having a wrong idea why Alphys panicked. “I know what you’re thinking…” No she doesn’t. “But they say that, that guy is the only who has high stats just like the king. He might be our only chance to defeat the king.”

Alphys looks at Undyne carefully. She doesn’t look like she knows Sans killing the people who were against the king. Alphys wasn’t sure what the rumors about Sans was but she assumes monsters talk about him like he was a killing machine. 

 _‘Please just leave him alone…’_ Alphys thinks miserably. “I think it’s for the best if you don’t interact with him.”

Alphys knew that what Undyne said was right. If anyone had a chance against the king, it would be Sans. But that was a really low chance. Not to mention if the king even saw Sans he would _know_ , not to mention Dr. Gaster-

“Normally I would argue that this is something I have to do and that I need him… but I couldn’t find him anyway.”

Alphys sighed in relief. _Good_.

In the back of her mind, Alphys also wanted to see him. She wanted to see that he and Papyrus were okay, but Alphys knew that they must be. Even though all of the things that excuse of a doctor did was horrific, it would help Sans survive in the end.

 

* * *

 

Alphys looks down at the blueprints with narrowed eyes. There was nothing wrong with the way the body was going to be designed but she wonders if this is a good idea.

With one wrong move he might get into trouble. Though Alphys was sure that ghosts were a bit hard to maintain and capture, she knew that that wouldn’t stop the royal guards.

She sighed and left the blueprints on the table as she turned her back to them. She needed equipment’s for the body and the process of making it would be long. She hopes in that time he rethinks his decision.

Alphys gathers up and leaves the lab. She was going to meet Undyne in the garbage dump like always.

But today when she was on her way to the Waterfall she sees Undyne approach her in the bridge.

“Undyne?” Alphys was surprised since Undyne hated coming to Hotland for good reasons.

Undyne herself looked surprised as she stopped walking, Alphys felt her soul thump in anxiety and she held her breath.

For a moment they stayed silent before Undyne said something that made Alphys gasp in surprise.

“The red demon is in Waterfall.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will go back to Sans's perspective the next chapter.


	7. Waterfall Arc • Part 2

**_~Waterfall Arc~_ **

**[Part 2]**

* * *

 

He wakes up with the distant sound of water hitting the ground from the outside along with the sound of a cheerful voice talking with an older one.

Sans sighs and gives up trying to sleep. Two weeks and he still wasn’t used to this. Even though he was literally living inside of a cavern, the paranoia and the distant noises from the outside didn’t let him relax.

He had finally understood why other monsters preferred New Home.

Sans thinks he could deal with the monsters who has high LV attacking them out of nowhere and no reason, but Waterfall was a place where groups who were against the king gathered, meaning Waterfall might be filled with royal guards who wanted get rid of these monsters in any minute.

Nowhere was safe from the fight between the king and his people.

Sans slowly makes his way out to the shop, and closes the door to Gerson’s house before hiding the door behind a poster. The old turtle was clever.

The poster had a sentence written on it with a weird font.

It read: _People without mercy doesn’t deserve mercy._

Sans shuddered when the words left a feeling of déjà-vu. He tried to ignore the poster and turned his back on it.

“Wowie! I never thought the teachers in my school were liars!” Sans also didn’t know the teachers in Papyrus’s school were assholes.

“Don’ believe anything those frauds in New Home say kiddo.” Gerson replied. “If everyone believed what those shitty royal workers we would’ve been brainwashed by now.”

Sans slowly sat down on one of the stools in the shop.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Sans slowly nodded as he carefully inspected the turtle.

It had been two weeks and Gerson still didn’t mention why he was helping them which was making Sans even more paranoid.

Gerson’s LV was nine… that was pretty low for someone like him, who was in the war and who lived through decades in this underground where it was kill or be killed.

“Have you looked through the books I recommended ya kiddo?” Gerson suddenly asked, Papyrus shook his head. “Go give them a look, won’t ya?”

After giving them a careful look Papyrus slowly made his way to the poster and disappeared after closing the door. Sans could hear Papyrus walking through the house, but he was sticking close to the door.

“He’s a good kid.” Gerson said. “Have you taught him how to fight yet?”

Sans had a feeling that Gerson already knew the answer to that question. “No.”

“We’re going through hard times… it would be real useful if you taught him or else some other monsters looking for free exp might do it for you.”

“That won’t happen.” Sans quickly said. “I won’t let it happen.”

“Yeah, I have no doubt that you wouldn’t but that still doesn’t mean that he shouldn't at least learn how to protect himself.” Sans looked away and Gerson murmured ‘stubborn bastard’ under his breath. “I’m just trying to help.”

Help… huh. Sans had a lot of things to ask about Gerson ‘helping’ them.

“You look like you wanted to say somethin’ for a while.” Gerson said with a hint of a sarcasm. “So I suggest you to spill the beans.”

Sans gave a quick look at the poster before turning to Gerson. “Why are you helping us?”

Gerson laughed. “ _Why_ you say… can’t I just help someone out of the kindness of my heart?”

“You could…” Sans slowly said. “But we both know that isn’t the case here.”

“Heh… you younglings think ya know all about it…” Gerson shook his head with a fond smile. “What I said before wasn’t entirely wrong. If ya had stayed in New Home for a little while some old bones like me might’ve noticed that little judge you’re hiding behind those bones.”

Sans feels a sudden chill take over him.

How…?

“Don’t go givin’ me that look kiddo… I’ve seen enough judges to recognize one when I see ‘em.” Sans gulped and tried to calm himself down… Gerson would’ve report him if he really wanted to do something to Sans. “But you’re right, there is a reason why I wanted you to come here…” Sans tilted his head to the side and hoped Gerson wouldn’t threaten him. “A woman that lives around here was looking for you and I didn’t want her to go ‘round New Home and causing trouble. So I thought if I called you here, it would make things easier but the little brat had already left the day you arrived here.”

“Why does she want to see me?” Sans frowned.

“Heh… that is something you should ask her. I did what I could, the rest is up to her. I bet if you go out and look around Waterfall you might encounter her.”

Sans frowned. “I can’t just leave Papyrus here unprotected to look around for someone who might want to dust me.”

Gerson laughed. “Trust me kiddo, this is the safest place ya can find for ‘im.” He didn’t deny the part that she might want to dust Sans.

“…” It might be a trap.

“Ya still don’ trust me?”

“… How can I trust you with my brother?” Sans carefully asked.

“Okay. Here then.” Gerson threw something to Sans. After inspecting what Gerson gave him, Sans realized it was a phone. “You can call to check on him.”

After calling the only number that was saved on the phone and making sure Papyrus would be safe. Sans reluctantly went outside.

 

* * *

 

Sans slowly and quietly walks through the caverns as he looks around. The first time he was walking around the Waterfall before he encountered Gerson and told him what happened, Sans had to fight with monsters who saw Papyrus as free exp. at least the monsters in New Home would back away after sensing the high LV in Sans’s aura but these monsters attacked blindly without thinking or even planning anything.

Papyrus had insisted that Sans should at least teach him how to fight which Sans was still refusing stubbornly.

He tried to not go out much after their first impression but Sans knew that he eventually had to find a place for himself and Papyrus, and that would be pretty hard considering the noises he heard at night implying that anyone could break in and try to dust them in seconds.

Sans tried to not think about these things as he walked through the caverns and wondered where would he find that woman Gerson talked about.

The soothing whispers coming from the echo flowers from the distance and the quiet sound of the water might’ve been given him peace of mind of he was in another universe but all he felt right now was restless paranoia clinging to him as he wondered why the caverns were this empty.

He followed the sounds of the echo flowers and found himself in a room called ‘wishing room’.

The room was filled with echo flowers. Sans doesn’t remember seeing this much echo flower in his life. Sometimes the doctor would bring some for experiments and he remembers Alphys not being fond of them.

Even though he felt bad intent the first time he came in Waterfall, Sans was surprised that the wishes that was whispered on these flowers were really _humane_. Some asked to live another day, some asked this to be over, some asked for freedom, some asked to see the star and some asked for their family to be safe.

Sans had pause on the last one. The echo flower had reminded him to use the phone that was sitting in his inventory for a long time.

He slowly called Papyrus with his soul thumping with anxiety

“Sans?” The tension left Sans as soon as he heard Papyrus.

“Hey… just called to check on you.”

“Well as you can see… or hear, I am very much alive and well, brother and I am glad to hear that you are alive too.” Sans didn’t know if Papyrus was being sarcastic with his cheerful tone or not, but he gave a light-hearted chuckle at his reply.

When walked out of the wishing room he came across a bridge that reminded Sans that he had crossed this path the first time he came in Waterfall.

Sans decided that he should at least look at the entrance of the crag that led to Hotland.

His woods creaking under his foot echoed through the caverns as he made his way at the end of the bridge, he knew what he was going to come across the moment he had stepped out of the wishing room.

When he reached the crag he decided that he shouldn’t act like he didn’t know he was being watched anymore and looked straight up.

He couldn’t see the expression of the woman that stood right on top of the crag as her black cloak fluttered around because of the wind.

Sans’s sharp teeth curled up into a grin as he realized he found her.

He quickly flung himself right as he dodged a spear.

 

* * *

 

The woman jumped down and clashed her spear with Sans’s sword and she backed away before summoning more spears. Sans checked her to confirm what he was thinking.

_*Undyne_

_*Attack 50, Defense, 20._

_*The protector of Waterfall._

_**~~*LV 17~~ ** _ ~~~~

**_~~*Her intent towards you is not violent.~~ _ **

Sans doesn’t know what that last bit of that information means as he blocks spears that never seems to end with a bone.

When it’s his turn Sans raised his hand and turned Undyne’s soul to green which made her widen her eyes in shock.

“That’s a rude way to greet someone don’t you think?” Sans slowly said, he attacked her with an easy pattern with bones.

“Hah! That’s funny. Do people in New home warn the monsters they’re about to kill?” the next turn her spears pace slowed down and Sans could guess what kind of pattern she was using: right, right, down…

Sans frowned, how did she know that? “What do you want?” left, right, left, right, up…

“Can’t I be just killing you for exp since it seems like you have so much of it.” Huh… her way of talking reminded Sans of Gerson.

“Do people in Waterfall investigate the monsters they’re going to kill?” Up, up, down, right.

“They might if it’s a maxed loved hunter.” Sans tried to not wince at that. He sees Undyne clenching her teeth while blocking his bones.

Sans laughed. “What? You’re trying to protect the innocent Waterfall residents from a love crazed monster?”

“Maybe I would if you looked like one…” down, left, down… her patterns slowed down. “I guess not all of the rumors were true.” She murmured under her breath.

Sans sighed. “Let’s talk this through then?” he offered.

Undyne looked skeptical but she still choose mercy.

That was… easy. Sans expected her to be more stubborn about fighting. “Uhh… okay?”

Undyne looked away. “What?” she snapped. “I need you alive…”

“And what exactly do you need me for?” Sans asked as he tilted his head to the side.

“… Do you know what kind of state the Waterfall is in?” Undyne asked as she leaned on the crag.

“Sort of?” Sans slowly said. “I know that there are a lot of monsters dusting… and that there are more crimes.”

“Yeah, no shit!” she said sarcastically. “I’m asking if you know the reason for why those things happening?”

Sans looked at her for a moment and wondered. Obviously it was because of the lack of resources, food and other things essential for living were rare and because of that they were expensive… not to mention royal guards collecting ‘taxes’. Sans thought it only happened in New Home but he learned from Gerson that, that wasn’t the case at all. If someone let’s say bought a bag, if the bag is forty gold, twenty of that gold is the tax and the other half is the actual price of the thing someone bought.

Sans thinks there were poverty and crime because the king was literally robbing his own people.

“Lack of resources?” he offered after a long silence.

“True…” Undyne agreed. “The worst thing about this is that this could be prevented but _someone_ chooses not to.” Sans slowly nodded. “They’re not letting us use the _core_ and from the information that I’ve gathered from New Home, even their usage of the core is very small.”

“What?” Sans narrowed his sockets.

“ _Core_! I’m saying that the king is not letting his people use the core when it can literally save monsters from this poverty.”

Core… _right_. Sans wants to hit himself on the head for not realizing this sooner. Core wasn’t something that needed expensive materials to work at all… therefore using it shouldn’t be this expensive with taxes. And as far as Sans knew, ice was free.

But _why_?

Why would the king do this to his own people?

**_~~“…”~~ _ **

Sans feels an uncomfortable hollow sense travel through his bones.

“What is your point?” He asked as he felt a chill when that dreadful sensation was over.

“What I mean is that…” Undyne looked around, Sans continued to stare at her. There was no one around. “We need your help.”

Sans frowned. “For what?”

Undyne gave an exasperated sigh. “Help us defeat the king.”

For a moment Sans just looks at her.

“Hell no.”

“What? Why not?!”

“Do you know what happened to the other groups who tried to rebel against the king?” Sans asked.

“Of course I do! But this is different we’re more prepared, we’re-“

“ **Your group has gotten stronger with the kings way.** ” Sans blinked, for a moment his voice sounded like it didn’t belong to him.

Undyne goes quiet. For a moment Sans thinks she’s going to attack him, but it doesn’t happen. They just stand there with wind blowing.

When Undyne spoke her voice was dangerously quiet. “… What are you implying?”

“You think you’re strong just because you have high LV don’t you?” Sans slowly asked.

“…”

“Have you seen love-drunk monsters?” Undyne nods. “Then you should know that this isn’t the way to get stronger.”

“… Do you know that tyrant has nineteen LV?” Undyne finally speaks.

Sans thinks everyone in the underground knows that. “Just because the king was able to endure the effects of LV doesn’t mean you have to either.”

“Then what are we supposed to do? You should know what happened when monsters raided the king’s castle after the queen left…” Sans actually… didn’t know that. “And his LV wasn’t this high at the time, but he managed to slaughter half of the monster population!”

“And the same thing will happen over and over if you try the same thing, he was in the war he’s more experienced than any monster in combat.” Sans sighed. “Just because the king manages to endure the LV’s effects doesn’t mean his endurance wouldn’t snap the moment he reaches the max. Then what are we supposed to do? Can you take responsibility when the king starts a genocide to his own kind?” He sees Undyne’s resolve cracking and hopelessness leaking out. “I’m not saying you should give up… but isn’t there a way to handle this without scattering any dusts?”

Undyne’s silence told Sans that she had already thought about all of these. But there was no other way to hope for salvation was there? As long as the king and his ideas were alive, this underground would be covered in dust.

 _‘Since they were all going to die, why not die while trying to kill the very thing that forced this fate upon them?’_ she must think.

The battle Undyne was fighting was already lost.

“Heh… I didn’t think I would hear these from you.” Undyne says with a careless tone as she stretched her arms and turned her back to Sans which is a bit… rude. Has she turned her back to Sans in a show of trust or belittlement? “I get it… I don’t need any softies in my group. You would probably get us killed.” She continued in a light-hearted manner.

“You…” Sans didn’t continue his sentence. It was up to Undyne if she wanted to talk about her plans with Sans or not. He wasn’t going to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong. _She wasn't his problem_ , Sans thought with indifference. “How did you know I would be here?”

“Hmm? You could say it was a little coincidence…” Her tone was saying otherwise.

Sans sighed. “Aren’t you going to see Gerson? He was the one who sent me here to look for you after all…”

“That old geezer… I knew he was up to something…” She mumbled as she finally turned around to look at Sans. “But you’re okay with me around?” Undyne looked surprised.

“You don’t seem to be that bad of a person.” **_~~(“The monsters she killed would say otherwise.”)~~_** Sans shook his head as he frowned and started to walk back from the path he came from. “So I wouldn’t mind your company.”

Undyne didn’t say anything but her walking beside him through the caverns was enough of an answer.

 

* * *

 

“I told you not to get in my business, you old geezer!” The moment they stepped into the shop Undyne was arguing with the old turtle.

“Is this how you thank people for helping you? You little brat!” Sans thinks this is something they do occasionally. He wonders how Gerson and Undyne met, looking at the way they act towards each other, Sans thinks they must’ve known each other for a really long time.

“Sans?” He looks around to find Papyrus beside him. How did he get so close to Sans without Sans noticing?

“You’re okay?” Sans asks as he tries to not frown at the thought.

Papyrus rolls his eye lights at that. “As you can see I am alive and healthy.” He looks at Undyne. “Who is she?”

“A friend of Gerson’s.” Sans answered. He hopes Undyne doesn’t share her genocidal ideas with Papyrus.

Their attention diverted back to Undyne and Gerson as the banter between them ended with Gerson smacking Undyne on the head with his cane.

“Fucking geezer!” Undyne hissed while rubbing her head and she finally noticed Papyrus.

Papyrus approached her without any care and introduced himself.

Sans was about to join in before Gerson sat down on a stool and gestured Sans to sit beside him.

“I see that you two got along.” He said while Sans sat down.

“She tried to impale me with a spear.” Sans answered with a dry tone.

Gerson laughed as if he was expecting Sans to say something like this. “I’ve been dealing with that little shit since she was a little brat.” He sighed with calmness. “She was always angry. I could barely keep her in one place before she ran off to somewhere, I would always bring her back with a smack on her cheek, but the little shit would never give up. She kept saying that she was going to ‘get stronger’ and I didn’t know what to do since I never raised a child. Even after years I still don’t know how to stop that vengeance from taking over her soul.” Gerson looked at Sans with a solemn expression. “How bad is it?”

Sans wished he didn’t know what Gerson was asking, but he unfortunately did.

Undyne’s LV was seventeen, just two levels away from losing her grip on sanity forever. Even if she stops killing, Sans knew there would be side-effects that would affect her greatly, because once you stop killing and only memories remain, the only thing that would be left was the after thoughts and a cold feeling of regret and the yearning for that regret to just _stop_ and justify oneself. Sans would know.

Sans just shook his head.

Gerson’s shoulders hunched over with tiredness. He was empathizing with Undyne but Gerson didn’t know how to help her, Sans distantly observes. He turns to look at Undyne who was talking with Papyrus.

“Do you think it’s too late for her?” Gerson speaks after a long silence. Sans doesn’t know why the old turtle was showing him this weaker side in this kind of world, but Sans shook his head again nonetheless. It was never too late to turn back. “She’s been getting better after meeting that reptilian scientist.”

“What?” Sans asks, his voice was barely a whisper from his shock. Gerson doesn’t comment on it.

“Heh, it’s kind of a funny story actually… she met this lizard scientist while she was going around in the garbage dump. She got really flustered when I asked her about it.” _Alphys._

Sans gave a sigh of relief, she was okay. Sans had always wondered if the doctor did something to her after he left. But she was okay.

He looks at Undyne and Papyrus again. They seemed like they were really interested with their conversation. Sans smiled at the enthusiastic expression on Papyrus. _Maybe he would finally have a friend_ , something inside Sans said.

Sans feels his indifference towards this monster he just met shifting into something.

The voices inside his head spoke of unforgiveness. The voice in Sans’s soul spoke of empathy.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavour, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.”  
> -Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre


End file.
